zondag 10 februari 2019

Day 357 - From irritation to Equality


We had planned on making a little trip outside of town and go for a walk. We had made preparations in terms of the trajectory along which we would be walking and also where we would be parking the car.

When we arrived we wanted to determine the starting point of the walking trajectory. We were still sitting in the car and looking at a little map on one of our phones. At the same time I was working from memory regarding the plan I had seen on the computer earlier and I had also seen how this correlated with the street map on our GPS system in the car. Based on this I was sure about where exactly the starting point of the walking trajectory was in relation to the car. I told my partner and wanted us to move on and get out of the car.

To my partner however, my assessment was not entirely clear and she was not convinced that my direction was correct. In this moment I started to experience irritation because I was within myself justifying that I was ‘certain’ and therefore my partner was irresponsible in wanting us to spend more time on determining the beginning of the trajectory, so my backchat went.

At the same time I realized there had been countless situations where I had perceived myself to be correct about a point which then later on turned out to be ‘incorrect’. Therefore I calmed myself down with breathing and started to explain patiently to my partner, using all the tools we had available, the phone and the GPS – also getting out of the car myself to verify the streetnames outside - until she actually arrived at the same conclusion that I had come to.  Then, we were both on equal footing and together we left the car and started our walking trajectory.

This to me was a little victory, because it showed me how easily I would have let something so small turn into a point of friction and conflict – instead of applying humbleness and within that creating equality. And how much more enjoyable it was to simply be patient and share and communicate than to become emotional. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org
For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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vrijdag 11 januari 2019

Day 356 - From conflict and fighting to Participation


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freak out when F shows me how to position a curtain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset and shout "I don’t want you to intervene!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I ‘lose my control’ because F does something ‘without my permission’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic because I fear losing some kind of arrangement I had and think she will ‘distort it’ and I think my solution is the only correct one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and fall into reactions as emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reacting emotionally because ‘she is not allowed to do that’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel interfered with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stepped over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disrespected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my perception as ‘control’ instead of simply breathing and letting go and allowing the ‘risk’ of something new to unfold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘defend’ that which I ‘know’ and ‘fear losing’ the relative comfort which my approach was providing, instead of allowing myself to try something new and seeing if it does not work better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself with an automatic ‘no’ towards anything that challenges me and questions the way I do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful and aggressive about a point so simple as the way a curtain is arranged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself so seriously that I think that my way is the best way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into ego instead of allowing myself to see a solution for what it is, irrespective of who presents it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with F and wanting to prove my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use conflict instead of breathing and simple communication.

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself reacting to something small and simple where I perceive that I am being interfered with – to stop and breathe, take a moment and speak from clarity and participate with the other person in her suggested solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fight it’ instead of ‘participating in it’ and going all the way in contributing to it – this way making it in effect impersonal and applying and testing what is best for all.

I commit myself to test participating and walking unconditionaly with solutions offered by another person as a way to move through my fears of losing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use panic and drama as a way to dissuade another person from showing me something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use forcefulness as shouting or physically holding onto something as a way to dissuade another person from showing me something.

I commit myself to physically let go and create the space for another to show me something, whitin the realisation that what is best for all is also best for me - therefore I have nothing to lose, as a best for all solution is impersonal.

(To be continued)
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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org
For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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