donderdag 27 december 2018

Day 355 - Remembering an EQAFE Interview

It has been a while that I have been wanting to share this experience I had with an EQAFE interview, yet have been unable to, due to many changes in my life that are now slowly coming to an end.

One day I was sitting with my partner. I had come to sit with her because she was dealing with a point. This point in question was a point she had been bringing up more than once, and in the back of my mind there was already a judgment about 'not this point again'.

As she was speaking her concerns and her considerations, which were initially the same as I had heard previously (so I told myself) – I started to feel a pressure within myself to ‘intervene‘  and ask her to ‘calm down‘ and telling her that she was being ‘emotional‘. Within her words there was a certain agitation based on the unresolvedness of this conflcit and I could feel that she felt ’stuck‘ with this point.

Normally I would have given in to the temptation to start ’interrupting‘ and ‘speaking‘ under the pretext of ’supporting the person‘ (but in reality only as an attempt to control her as a way to stop my own un-ease with the situation) – yet in that moment a message from an EQAFE interview came up within me, I recalled it and saw how I could use it in this moment.

The EQAFE interview (I do not recall the name of it) was about that we sometimes need to be patient when dealing with our own mind. In the interview an example was given of a child trowing a tantrum and how one cannot simply expect the child to stop ‚in one moment‘ but that it may be required for the child to `act out the energies and the tantrum before he can start to stabilize himself again‘ – in other words: sometimes it is required to let the energies simply run out. In the interview it was then suggested that we take a similar approach with ourselves, when finding ourselves in an energetic or emotional state: it may be required for us to run out the energies first before we can start to create stability and clarity within ourselves again.

Back to the situation with my partner: Without me basically saying or doing anything – but simply by remaining quiet and letting my partner speak - , she eventually regained stability within herself which I could hear in her words as she was continuing to speak. Not only did she regain stability within herself but she was even able to move further than that and ended up formulating a solution to the inner conflict – without me contributing even a single word. As this happened I realised what I had done in the previous instances and how I had actually prevented the person from resolving her issue. I had actually misunderstood my role: my role was not to ’try and help‘ the person but to simply ’let her be‘ and ’give her the space and time‘ to develop her own insight. I had to sctually stand back and let her speak to me. That was my role.

For more information about EQAFE interviews, please visit: 

Day 354 - Self-directive statements -- Jobsearch

These are the self-directive statements I wrote today to support me with clarity and stability: 

I commit myself to using common sense within my jobsearch and not allow fear and panic to direct me.
I commit myself to consider potential offerings with common sense.
I commit myself to use patience and breathing while exploring job opportunities.
I commit myself to do what is best for all within accepting or not accepting a job offering.
I commit myself to be realistic within my decision to accept or not accept a job offering. 

For more information about self-supportive writing, visit:

vrijdag 21 december 2018

Day 353 - Additional Driving Lessons

Today I took an extra driving class because often times I do not feel comfortable driving in a big city.  I was mainly aware of a general feeling of anxiety when driving – not feeling at ease, always being on edge. What came through in the driving class is that I use the clutch way too often. This is interesting because the driving instructor explained that by doing so I am creating a lot of extra work while driving, which causes me to have the impression that it is too much to handle – but that is because I am making things complicated. He showed me by example that in most cases you do not need the clutch at all in the city. To demonstrate this he took the driver seat and then placed his left foot all the way on top of the dashboard, next to the steering wheel. Now he only had his right foot to operate 1 pedal, namely the breaks – and no foot to operate the clutch. In this manner he drove me for about 10 minutes though several streets with considerable amounts of traffic and I could see that what he was saying was actually so. He had full control over the car and only had to take his foot down once when he was forced to bring the car to a total halt. This was quite an eye-opener for me.  

I particularly appreciated the support given by this person because in a way he made a ‘diagnostic’ first. First he let me drive and simply observed me – then he asked me to park somewhere to start (re)teaching me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive with fear – which is partly caused by me missing information. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been too proud to seek support – not being self-honest about how I experience myself while driving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not deserve to make this investment in myself - thinking that I have a license already anyways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support ‘when it costs money’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support when I see a point is not improving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be arrogant and think I have ‘forever’ instead of making effective use of my time which starts by being humble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started to use the clutch systematically out of fear that I have no control over the car.

I commit myself to becoming comfortable with using the breaks without using the clutch. 

I commit myself to further support myself with these driving lessons and to change my drivingpattern so that I can become an effective driver in the city and in all circumstances.

For more information about writing and self-forgiveness, visit