vrijdag 11 januari 2019

Day 356 - From conflict and fighting to Participation


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freak out when F shows me how to position a curtain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset and shout "I don’t want you to intervene!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I ‘lose my control’ because F does something ‘without my permission’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic because I fear losing some kind of arrangement I had and think she will ‘distort it’ and I think my solution is the only correct one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and fall into reactions as emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reacting emotionally because ‘she is not allowed to do that’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel interfered with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stepped over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disrespected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my perception as ‘control’ instead of simply breathing and letting go and allowing the ‘risk’ of something new to unfold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘defend’ that which I ‘know’ and ‘fear losing’ the relative comfort which my approach was providing, instead of allowing myself to try something new and seeing if it does not work better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself with an automatic ‘no’ towards anything that challenges me and questions the way I do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful and aggressive about a point so simple as the way a curtain is arranged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself so seriously that I think that my way is the best way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into ego instead of allowing myself to see a solution for what it is, irrespective of who presents it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with F and wanting to prove my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use conflict instead of breathing and simple communication.

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself reacting to something small and simple where I perceive that I am being interfered with – to stop and breathe, take a moment and speak from clarity and participate with the other person in her suggested solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fight it’ instead of ‘participating in it’ and going all the way in contributing to it – this way making it in effect impersonal and applying and testing what is best for all.

I commit myself to test participating and walking unconditionaly with solutions offered by another person as a way to move through my fears of losing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use panic and drama as a way to dissuade another person from showing me something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use forcefulness as shouting or physically holding onto something as a way to dissuade another person from showing me something.

I commit myself to physically let go and create the space for another to show me something, whitin the realisation that what is best for all is also best for me - therefore I have nothing to lose, as a best for all solution is impersonal.

(To be continued)
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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org
For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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donderdag 27 december 2018

Day 355 - Remembering an EQAFE Interview


It has been a while that I have been wanting to share this experience I had with an EQAFE interview, yet have been unable to, due to many changes in my life that are now slowly coming to an end.

One day I was sitting with my partner. I had come to sit with her because she was dealing with a point. This point in question was a point she had been bringing up more than once, and in the back of my mind there was already a judgment about 'not this point again'.

As she was speaking her concerns and her considerations, which were initially the same as I had heard previously (so I told myself) – I started to feel a pressure within myself to ‘intervene‘  and ask her to ‘calm down‘ and telling her that she was being ‘emotional‘. Within her words there was a certain agitation based on the unresolvedness of this conflcit and I could feel that she felt ’stuck‘ with this point.

Normally I would have given in to the temptation to start ’interrupting‘ and ‘speaking‘ under the pretext of ’supporting the person‘ (but in reality only as an attempt to control her as a way to stop my own un-ease with the situation) – yet in that moment a message from an EQAFE interview came up within me, I recalled it and saw how I could use it in this moment.

The EQAFE interview (I do not recall the name of it) was about that we sometimes need to be patient when dealing with our own mind. In the interview an example was given of a child trowing a tantrum and how one cannot simply expect the child to stop ‚in one moment‘ but that it may be required for the child to `act out the energies and the tantrum before he can start to stabilize himself again‘ – in other words: sometimes it is required to let the energies simply run out. In the interview it was then suggested that we take a similar approach with ourselves, when finding ourselves in an energetic or emotional state: it may be required for us to run out the energies first before we can start to create stability and clarity within ourselves again.

Back to the situation with my partner: Without me basically saying or doing anything – but simply by remaining quiet and letting my partner speak - , she eventually regained stability within herself which I could hear in her words as she was continuing to speak. Not only did she regain stability within herself but she was even able to move further than that and ended up formulating a solution to the inner conflict – without me contributing even a single word. As this happened I realised what I had done in the previous instances and how I had actually prevented the person from resolving her issue. I had actually misunderstood my role: my role was not to ’try and help‘ the person but to simply ’let her be‘ and ’give her the space and time‘ to develop her own insight. I had to sctually stand back and let her speak to me. That was my role.

For more information about EQAFE interviews, please visit: https://eqafe.com 

Day 354 - Self-directive statements -- Jobsearch

These are the self-directive statements I wrote today to support me with clarity and stability: 

I commit myself to using common sense within my jobsearch and not allow fear and panic to direct me.
I commit myself to consider potential offerings with common sense.
I commit myself to use patience and breathing while exploring job opportunities.
I commit myself to do what is best for all within accepting or not accepting a job offering.
I commit myself to be realistic within my decision to accept or not accept a job offering. 

For more information about self-supportive writing, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com


vrijdag 21 december 2018

Day 353 - Additional Driving Lessons


Today I took an extra driving class because often times I do not feel comfortable driving in a big city.  I was mainly aware of a general feeling of anxiety when driving – not feeling at ease, always being on edge. What came through in the driving class is that I use the clutch way too often. This is interesting because the driving instructor explained that by doing so I am creating a lot of extra work while driving, which causes me to have the impression that it is too much to handle – but that is because I am making things complicated. He showed me by example that in most cases you do not need the clutch at all in the city. To demonstrate this he took the driver seat and then placed his left foot all the way on top of the dashboard, next to the steering wheel. Now he only had his right foot to operate 1 pedal, namely the breaks – and no foot to operate the clutch. In this manner he drove me for about 10 minutes though several streets with considerable amounts of traffic and I could see that what he was saying was actually so. He had full control over the car and only had to take his foot down once when he was forced to bring the car to a total halt. This was quite an eye-opener for me.  

I particularly appreciated the support given by this person because in a way he made a ‘diagnostic’ first. First he let me drive and simply observed me – then he asked me to park somewhere to start (re)teaching me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive with fear – which is partly caused by me missing information. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been too proud to seek support – not being self-honest about how I experience myself while driving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not deserve to make this investment in myself - thinking that I have a license already anyways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support ‘when it costs money’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support when I see a point is not improving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be arrogant and think I have ‘forever’ instead of making effective use of my time which starts by being humble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started to use the clutch systematically out of fear that I have no control over the car.

I commit myself to becoming comfortable with using the breaks without using the clutch. 

I commit myself to further support myself with these driving lessons and to change my drivingpattern so that I can become an effective driver in the city and in all circumstances.

For more information about writing and self-forgiveness, visit http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

dinsdag 31 juli 2018

Day 352 - Standing up from self-inferiority

Today I would like to speak about a moment where I faced great difficulty, yet where I was able to stand up within the challenge. I did this by using the tools I had learned at Desteni, by asserting myself with breathing and grounding myself physically.

Early on in my professional career I was faced with corporate hierarchies and I had to report to the managers above me. My job was salesman and I had to deliver numbers. At a certain point in time, I got a new manager and I had to learn to deal with him as a person. Due to the organisation in the company I had previously very much been left alone to deliver my results in the way that I saw fit. When the new manager was appointed, I started to experience increased levels of anxiety, as he was pressuring me to improve my output.

In general I would listen to him and value his feedback, but I also noticed that he would place expectations on me that I was seeing I would not realistically be able to fulfill. This was causing stress in me and actually creating an experience where I started to dislike my job.

Then, one day, we had a ‘quick meeting‘, standing face to face in a meetingroom. We were talking about the numbers and he brought up this point of me having to sell 20 contracts in the coming month. I knew that in the past I was able to sell 15 contracts at best, and on average I would sell 10 contracts. In that moment I was very clear that 20 contracts would not be realistic to commit to. So when he brought up the point of the 20 contracts, looking me intensely in the eyes, I focussed on remaining calm and I said in a very calm and allmost nonchalant way: Ok, I’ll do my best.

I could see that he was not happy with my answer and he leaned forward and said: „What ?!!“

At this point I became very anxious. At the same time I realised that I could not show my anxiety and that I had to take responsibility for this situation. I could feel how within my body I was trembling with fear as I was moving myself to speak. While I spoke I made sure that on the outside I remained calm and collected. Here I applied breathing and using my body to ground myself. I said to him that there were circumstances to take into consideration why the 20 contracts may not happen (in a nutshell). A few seconds later in the conversation the tension completely relaxed itself and we were having a comfortable conversation.  

This is how I was able to prove to myself that through changing the relationship with myself, I could change my relationships with others.

For more information on self-forgiveness, breathing and self-change, visit desteni and EQAFE

dinsdag 17 juli 2018

Day 351 - What is the Most Important thing in Life ?


When I looked at this question, the first thing that came up was: breathing. Yet, when looking further at my life and the rhythm of my life, I find that another point is equally important, which is the word ‘home’.

Day in and day out, I leave my home and I return to my home. Meaning the physical place ‘where I live’, the ‘building’. (So the movement of leaving home and coming home resembles the movement of breathing in and breathing out after all)

Ever since I was a child, I have always had a home. There was always this place in this world, where I could go to, return to, come home to. This has been key in my life. Today my home is somewhere else, but it is still ‘my home’. This ‘home’ gives me so much stability throughout my life – I would not be who I was today, had I not had a home.

Within this I realise, that every human being in this world, deserves a home, that place of stability, a place of safety.

Yet for many people in this world, a home is not a given. Why?

Is it perhaps because there are not enough ‘homes’ in the world? We all know, that this is not true... there are more than enough housing opportunities for everyone in the world. A stable life for every person.

The ‘materials’ and the ‘infrastructure’ to create Heaven on earth is here, humans. It is time to stop the past and create the New.

Research Desteni and Earth Haven and get involved.

maandag 9 juli 2018

Day 350 - Waiting for Change instead of consistent Self-Movement


I see/ realise and acknowledge that a degradation has been going on of ‘me’ and my application within my life and my process. This degradation I have calmly hidden behind the belief that my life is hectic and that ‘I have no time’.

I hereby stop this belief and declare it non-valid.

I see that this degradation is and has been affecting all my relationships in my life and mostly puts me in a spot of ‘waiting’ for change to come and change to happen to me – like a salvation. I have thus become like the Christian who waits for salvation.

There is some insight here and there – but then I PLUNGE again within acts of deliberate spitefulness right back into the systematic life and living – right back into the ego and the mind. Just enough to fool myself with the belief ‘that I am still doing something’, ‘at least I am still doing my best’. In reality I am not doing my best at all and I have given up.

There needs to be a consistent movement of self as: self-application, self-breathing, self-writing, self-sharing, self-changing and self-expanding.

When none of this is happening then self will shrink in the mind.

I commit myself to daily:

Self-application
Self-breathing
Self-writing
Self-sharing
Self-changing
Self-expanding

and will daily challenge myself on these points: am I actually living these words or am I simply creating a BELIEF about myself ?

For more information on writing and self-change, visit www.eqafe.com