Day 404 - On Brainwashing, War and Propaganda

When looking at the organisation of our societies, it is rather astonishing that a political minority has the ability and the power to decide that a country should go to war. Most citizens do not necessarily see the added value or even the gain within engaging in a war, yet the decision is able to be made anyway. How is this possible?

Should the leadership of a country not aspire to do what is best for the country and for its citizens? One could say: ah, but the citizens fear the leadership, they fear the government and hence they keep quiet within fear of survival.

How is it then, that the governments of our world obtained so much power that the will of the people has in many cases become irrelevant? Look at the U.S:A, look at China, look at Russia – but also look at the European Union, where structures of power have been created that are operating outside of the realm of public debate.

I would say that the novel “1984” by George Orwell is a relevant book to read, because it explains how in the future (our present time) the minds of men would be controlled through the control of information.

I have noticed how in recent years the emphasis on ‘survival’ has become stronger in the world again. Survival seems to give the perfect pretext for everyone to become passive and just let everything unfold in the world as if it happens entirely outside of our will or power. But I say that the governments only have the power to command armies and go to war, because we have abdicated our own directive will and power within this world. If I accept myself to be ‘powerless’ in my life and in the world – I will most likely accept whatever comes my way and I will simply try to ‘survive’. And this is what the world is currently doing. Just trying to ‘survive’. That is so sad…

The problem is that the average person cannot conceive of ‘solutions’ other than ‘I have to go protest in the street’ or ‘I have to go risk my life to sabotage my government’. This is because our entertainment industry has taught us to see the world in a completely polarised way of good versus evil. What if the solution is not to try and be a hero, but instead to start a process of self-introspection and actually address your own brainwashing at the source? Because one thing is clear: we are accepting the world as it currently is because of our own accepted beliefs about ourselves, about human nature and life in general. Who is to blame for this conditioning? Our schools? The media? Our parents? Our great-grand parents? Or their forefathers?

It should be clear that the only solution is to take responsibility for ourselves and for this world as if it was our own creation. This implies that we are responsible for our own conditioning and even our brainwashing. Armies are able to march into war because of: brainwashing. Citizens are able to accept the government narratives of what is really going on in this world, because of: brainwashing. We accept that mass poverty must exist amidst an abundance of resources in this world because of: brainwashing.

At Desteni we say that one’s brainwashing can actually be addressed. In other words: it is possible to walk back through your life and take responsibility for every single moment of ‘diminishment’ that you have accepted within yourself. The way to do this is through a process of self-forgiveness.

Here are some examples:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am separate from this world and that as an individual in this world ‘I am powerless’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by what is happening in this world and in the lives of others – hence I try to pretend it simply does not exist because maybe then it will go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that politicians and governments are to blame for what is happening in this world – instead of realising that politicians only have power by virtue of the accepted belief that citizens are ignorant and greedy and need to be governed and controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide within conformity and survival – because then maybe I am no longer responsible?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the world as something separate from me instead of realising that what is happening in the world outside of me is reflective of what is happening in my inner world of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with fear and survival regarding the state of the world – instead of addressing who I am within my thoughts, words and deeds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abdicated responsibility from myself and who I have become in this world – by placing blame and responsibility within institutions and people outside of me.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online writing and self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 398 - My Journey into Spain - First Chapter

Normally when I travel abroad, I prefer to stay more or less in one location and not move around too much. But this time, the suggestion came up that I should 'travel around' and explore the country. I have never done this before on my own. With my partner we did travel to countries and we traveled around, but the initiation and the movement would come from my partner and I would just 'ride along'. 

Within my personality I have quite a bit of 'fears' as regards 'unpredictable things' that can happen whilst traveling, consequently for me to do this ony my own was an important step. When I leanred that I would not be able to travel to Panama less than 24 hours before the departure flight, I looked at the situation and talking with my partner, I decided that I wanted to travel to Spain instead. I had 2 weeks of holiday ahead of me and it was the middle of the summer. In a way it was perfect. 

So within the span of one day, I booked a one way ticket to Barcelona plus a hotel for 4 nights in the city. I did not know what I would do after those 4 nights nor did I know when I would fly home. But most likely I would after those 4 days, hire a car and travel to other places and then see when I would be ready to return home. I just had to make sure I'd be back after two weeks. 

The benefit was that my suitcase was already packed for a 2-week holiday. I simply had to replace some stuff and do some different paperwork as regards traveling to Spain. I enjoyed being able to simply book a flight and not know exactly when I'd return home. Many people do this type of traveling already in their twenties, but as I said, for me it was all new. 

What was interesting within this trip is that I knew where my fears and insecurities were. I knew that I would have to deliberately move myself to challenge myself and not fall back into comfort zones and fears of the unknown. In that sense my trip was quite expansive, because I did succeed in identifying those moments where I usually 'back off' in fear and instead guided myself to take small leaps of faith. 

The rest of my amazing journey will be posted on this blog in days to come. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 381 - On the Fear of Apologising

One evening I had decided to stay a little longer at the office so that I could finish something, but as I had made this decision, I was also allowing myself to get distracted by what was happening on the workfloor around me.

One college then picked up on me being 'interested' and came standing in front of my desk with her arms up in the air, to tell me her part of the story. At this point I felt 'trapped' and I 'snapped' at the college, saying that 'I'm not interested'.

These words had a profound impact on my college and she felt deeply humiliated and angry. Within myself I kept telling myself that I was justified in my stance and that I had done 'nothing wrong'. But the following day I could clearly see that my college was still very much upset about what happened and I could feel that something had been 'destroyed'.

That's when it first occured to me that I should go and apologise to her. Notwithstanding this realisation, I continued to try and argue with myself that 'I am not to blame' and 'what if I go and apologise and then she will think that she was right and I was wrong????!!!' Basicaly I perceived that I had something to lose by going to apologise. However, it became clear rather quickly that I could no longer postpone this point and so when the moment was right I walked up to her and whent to sit next to her. I placed my hand gently on her shoulder and I said that I realised that I should not have spoken to her in that manner and that I was sorry.

I could see that she was very relieved by me saying this and that she was then able to drop all the build up anger that she had been carrying around. She said it was very good of me to come and tell her this and I promised that I will not speak like that again.

What is interesting for me in this event is that I was trying to 'place the responsibility' with the other person, claiming that they are responsible for their own emotional reactions. While this is so from an absolute perspective, the fact remained that I had actually created this turmoil in the person because I had spoken words in inconsideration. That made me equally responsible.

Additionaly, within writing this blog it became clear to me that she only had mirrored my own willingness to be distracted and not actually focus on my work and hence my so-called decision to stay longer at the office had not really been clear from the start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have snapped at my college 'because of the way she made me feel' which was 'trapped' because I had already trapped myself due to my dishonesty of claiming I had to stay longer at the office, but in reality I wanted to go home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at the time have placed money above my ability to support myself by giving time to myself as the responsibility I have to myself and to life as all as one as equal.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 354 - Self-directive statements -- Jobsearch

These are the self-directive statements I wrote today to support me with clarity and stability: 

I commit myself to using common sense within my jobsearch and not allow fear and panic to direct me.

I commit myself to consider potential offerings with common sense.

I commit myself to use patience and breathing while exploring job opportunities.

I commit myself to do what is best for all within accepting or not accepting a job offering.

I commit myself to be realistic within my decision to accept or not accept a job offering. 

For more information about self-supportive writing, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 345 - Between Illusion and Reality

In February of this year I was sick for 10 days. The dokter said I had a virus but he could not determine which one. It was certainly not bacteria as the blood tests came out clean. I was feeling physically weak, looking pale and I could not concentrate on anything for too long. Because my work is very demanding and a high-pressure environment I decided that I could not go to work and that I needed to get better. The dokter kept on prescribing me sick-leave notes all the while testing for different types of virusses. 

One day I was discussing the medical results with my partner and at one point she asked me: "Are you sure you are not just sabotaging yourself because you hate your work?" I looked at her question and said: "No, I am not sure."  

What followed was a discussion which led to the moment of realisation that: I had created this sickness experience with my mind... Allmost from one moment to the next, I was feeling much better and the next day I was already up and about being very active like usual. The physical experience of weakness and all the other symptoms were completely gone.  

I was very relieved, but there was still the question: If this is the case, how did I come to this point of wanting to avoid my work so much? This was a recent change as I had mostly enjoyed going to work and being active at work. 

What stood out was an overall accumulation of stress and what I experienced as 'pressure'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being and becoming 'pushed' at my work and feeling that I cannot do my work properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike not knowing what to do and having to ask others for support when they are already themselves drowning in work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do everything 'alone' by 'myself' as that means that I am an 'expert'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not meet the expectations that everyone has within meeting certain deadlines and that this will result in screaming and anger.

I realise and accept that despite possible screaming and anger from another person I am still here and I still respect myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bored with the work and the objectives and within that no longer pushing myself to excell. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my job more complicated than it needs to be by participating in future projections instead of remaining here in breath with the task(s) at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimise myself within perceiving that I cannot handle the stress effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the stress a 'fact' instead of seeing and realising that I am creating the stress through thinking and manifesting it as an energy in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the 'anxiety' and the 'stress' instead of standing equal to it and working with it as a part of me and as a point to transcend.

I realise and understand that despite the fast-paced-ness of the environment I can remain in breath-awareness and direct myself in the best possible way to resolve the issues that come my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not have enough time to tend to my most important responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this doom-scenario create an internal pressure based on fear and energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'give up' when I see myself as having to perform a series of tasks and immediatley thinking there will not be enough time - and from there create a state of panic within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create panic as a 'justification' to abdicate responsibility and not make sure that I can tend to my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of feeling overwhelmed instead of realising and understanding that I am still able to organise myself despite the amount of information.

It is interesting. On the one hand I enjoy the responsibility and the idea that people count on me. On the other hand there is a self-sabotage character at work where I go into self-doubt and the fear that I will screw-up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-sabotage character based on memories of the past where I perceive that I 'screwed up' and where 'I was blamed' for my mistake.

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Day 338 - Guilt over extending Sick leave

Today I am writing on an experience of ‘guilt’ I was dealing with in regards to being physically ill for a few days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for wanting to prolong my sick leave, because what if my employer thinks that I am not really sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider compromising myself just so that I would make a good impression at my work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself and my body first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting fired if I am sick too long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have fully respected and honored my body and the process it requires to heal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made ‘the rights of my employer’ more than the requirements of my body as an equal expression of life.

I commit myself to walk self-care and consideration in regards to my body as myself.

I commit myself to care for my body as my responsibility towards myself and towards life.

Eventually I did go back to the doctor and in hindsight this was a great gift to myself to have given myself extra time to recover and become really well before going back to work. This was a really cool practical application of placing self first.

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