Day 401 - My Journey into Spain - Fourth Chapter

I see it as worthwhile to continue and finish my series on this trip to Spain, because I have not even gotten to some of the coolest points that I faced and realised while on my trip.

(Please read my previous three posts for perspective and chronology of events.)

That morning I arrived fairly early at the parking lot to Platja Fonda (which is a small beach not too far from Girona). At first it seemed like it would be impossible to get in, because there was only one parking lot and the impression I had was that the cars were moving at a very slow pace and barely managing to receive a parking spot. In fact, the parking lot was being managed by one man alone and he was making sure that every single car would take a spot on the terrain exactly according to his directions, because this would allow for a maximum amount of cars to receive a spot, while also still being able to drive out. Now looking back at it, I can see how such a parking terrain could otherwise easily turn into a chaos with cars being stuck and unable to leave! So, the manager completed his daily Tetris and did a great job and I was rewarded for my patience with a parking spot. 

I changed inside the car because I had no idea what the beach would be like (I think I was wearing my swimmshorts underneath my normal shorts), and then I walked a few small streets down to a staircase that led downward to the beach. To simply walk down those stairs was already an experience in and of itself. The view over the beach was quite stunning. The area was failry small and I estimate that with 200 people the beach would have been completely full. 

After I had found myself a spot to lay down my towel, came the interesting part. I had a car key with me and my wallet, which I could not take with me in the water. Back in Barcelona I had faced a similar issue when I visited the outdoor pool (Piscina Municipal de Montjuïc), because I had assumed that there would be lockers in the change rooms in the building but there weren't! Being alone I had to improvise on how to deal with leaving my belongings by the pool while I would take a swim. My solution was to choose a spot in the plain midday sun (which was extremely hot) which is the spot that everyone at the pool was avoiding. By leaving my things there I was able to easily keep an eye on my stuff while swimming in the pool. It's not the best experience to have to keep an eye on one's stuff like that while swimming, but given the circumstances I was satisfied with my solution and it worked perfectly. 

Today at the Platja Fonda I could not apply the same logic, because the beach was too crowded, and so I looked around myself to see who I could possibly approach and speak to. I approached a woman with two or three daughters and asked her in Spanish if it was okay that I lay my towel next to theirs because I was alone at the beach and I have no one to watch my stuff while I go swimming. It then transpired that she didn't speak Spaninh very well because she was actually from France. That made it easier becasue I switched to French and explained my point in a way that was more comfortable and she agreed and said no problem. 

While I was swimming I was observing that there were children jumping from very high rocks into the water. Within witnessing the kids jumping off the rocks, I realised that this is somthing I fear doing - yet at the same time it seems fun. It occured to me that I could try this today as well, but then I dsimissed the thought because the moment did not feel right - meaning: I did not feel ready to actually now go and do it. (Sooner than I expected during this trip I would come accross another beach with kids jumping off high rocks). I allowed myself to let go from this point and simply enjoyed myself in the water. I found that it was particularly easy to simply 'float' in he water. I would make a big star shape with my arms and legs and I would just float with my face and toes facing the sun. For a moment I allowed myself to just be a leaf that floats on the small waves. I don't think that I have been able to float so effortlessly before, it was really easy. After an hour or two of alternating swimming and resting I decided to pack my stuff and head back for the car. I thanked the woman and said goodbye. (We did talk a bit but not a lot)

Now I don't remmeber if it was on the same day or the next, but I continued exploring the area by car and I visited a handful of historical villages. Visiting the villages kept me busy for half a day. During one of those visits, while I was walking on a downhill path along with a couple - I spoke to them and we got talking. They were Spanish and like me they were visitng the area. They gave me a few tips of other villages and sites to see and in the evening we bumped into each other again on one of those locations, which was extremely enjoyable. It takes so little sometimes to build a connection with someone. They got all excited and asked me if I saw those places they recommended and I said yes I did! If I had wanted I could have invited them to go have a drink somewhere, but my focus for now was on walking around and getting to see as much as I could. I ended our encounter with giving them a big thank you. 

At that point I was in a beach town close to Palafrugell (which is where the Spanish couple had sent me to, and it was indeed very beautifull). When I arrived at one of the small beaches by foot, the main attraction seemed to be high rocks (maybe 4 or 5 meters high) with children jumping and diving off them in the water. It seemed to me that turning down this opportunity now would be like shooting myself in the foot. I could have easily said to myself: but look how inconvenient, I don't even have someone to watch my wallet and keys and that's so uncomfortable! But instead I looked at the situation an reaslised that the moment was actually perfect and that if I did not do it now... then who am I fooling? I then walked back to the car to get my towel and came back with the intention of jumping of those rocks today, even though I did not yet know how I would go about it. As I was sitting on my towel in the sand (the beach was semi-crowded) I contemplated for a moment to burry my keys and wallet in the sand under my towel or something, but then I thought of that Australian film with Heath Ledger where he burried a bag full of money in the sand so that he could take a swim and when he came back the bag was gone, because someone had secretly watched him burry his stuff. So I decided to not make things unnecessarily complicated. 

I heard that there was a group of Dutch tourists laying on their towels not too far from me, they seemed like a bunch of friends, or two families maybe. I took a breath, collected my bravoure and went to speak to them. I asked them kindly if it was okay that I lay my stuff right next to them for a moment, for them to keep an eye on, because I am alone at the beach, while I dive off the rocks where the kids are. I said: "This is something I normally fear doing but today I want to try it." And they were all like: "No problem! Yeah, man go for it!!" 

The rocks were easily accessible but the actual jumping point was quite slippery and not so easy to stand on. In Belgium something like this would definately be prohibited for safety reasons lol. It must have been a funny sight to see me crawl to the jumping point, because I am quite tall and standing tall while walking on those wet and slippery rocks was really freaking me out. So I 'crawled' to the jumping point and only there did I stand up straight. I asked a boy who was standing next to me, 'where' it was best to jump and he pointed at an area in the water and basically said: as far as possible from the rocks. Off course the jump and dive in the water went all fine and I went for a second time!  

After that I had a short conversation with the Dutch guys. We talked about the differences between the Netherlands and Belgium and a little bit about politics and then I went off. It was an interesting experience for me to realise how I had been able to find the right people to speak to on that day, which had opened doors that otherwise would not have opened up for me. It was also interesting to realise that when the right communication is used, and you allow them to actually stand in your shoes, people are actually very understanding and supportive. This is a side of 'being alone' that I had not so often experienced before.   

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 400 - My Journey into Spain - Third Chapter

I was sitting in the car on a parking lot. I had reached the city of Girona. It was incredibly hot and being stressed I did not think of turning on the airco while I was looking at my phone. I had gone into a gloomy experience of myself, because based on my first impression of the outer area of the city, I had created the idea that the city was basically boring.

As I was allowing myself to sink further into this gloominess, I saw that my partner had sent me a text asking me where I was and what I was up to. In hindsight it was interesting to see how easily I was allowing myself to ‘give up’ and basically create an experience of myself where I felt ‘stuck’. I answered her that I was at the doorstep of Girona and that I was looking at what to do… She immediately wrote back saying that Girona is a beautiful city with lots to see and that I should stay there! The enthusiasm of her message made me realise that I was using flimsy perceptions to influence me in my self-direction. (she had already told me before that the city was worthwhile) I snapped out of my lethargy and started looking for hotels. Soon enough I found a nice hotel at a nice (last minute) discount price in the middle of the city with access to an underground parking nearby.

I was amazed at the fact that I was able to book a hotel right there in the car, simply by using the internet on my phone and a credit card. On top of that the hotel immediately wrote me in WhatsApp to give me some instructions and directions... It is only a year or so ago that I bought a smartphone that is really efficient enough to be used as a smartphone (My previous phone was 6 years old and not working anymore). This allows me to actually use all the ‘features’ and apps in a nice way – as a result of this I have started to use my phone much more. By hanging on to an old phone that was partially dysfunctional, it was as if I was refusing to use all the resources that were available to me in the world, simply because I was ‘judging’ how the world had changed as a result of the widespread use of smartphones. The truth is that without my new phone my journey into Spain would have been not so easy.  

The hotel in Girona (Condall Hotel) was very pleasant and it was actually one of my best hotel experiences ever, even despite there being no breakfast. The room was bright, neat and clean, with a nice street view. I immediately felt ‘at home’. I was happy and content with myself for being in the place where I was. Again, it is amazing to realise how we can let ourselves be influenced by a perception, a small point, which will then determine our total experience, like a veil we pull over our eyes.

The weather continued to be very warm and I walked to the tourist office in the city centre. I received a map and a rough outline of what I could expect to find in the city. The rest of the day I spent walking from one historical site to another. I was impressed by the amount and the beauty of the sites and in the evening I walked to a jazzcafè where a band would be playing. I arrived an hour late but the band hadn't started yet. Even though I was told that the place was 'full' and that I had no 'reservation' I did not allow that to discourage me. I said in Spanish that it didn't matter and that I would listen from behind the fence then! (they had build a little fence around the outdoor seating area) The lady at the entrance then proceeded to give me one of their foldable chairs anyways and I set myself down just next to the fence, being able to perfectly see the concert and enjoy the music. I had a great time.

Because Girona was fairly small (compared to Barcelona) I projected that I should also make some excursions by car left and right. By looking on the internet I found a small beach (Platja Fonda) that seemed fun to drive to and that’s exactly what I did the next day. I got up early enough to make sure I would find a parking spot and off I was…

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 399 - My Journey into Spain - Second Chapter

On the third day in Barcelona, I had to start to make a decision about what I was going to do next. I had only booked 4 nights in the hotel where I was currently staying. The thought had crossed my mind that I could prolong my stay, but within myself I also did not feel clear on why I should do that. Ideally I should rent a car, leave Barcelona and start exploring other parts of the region. 

I think it was on that very same day that I realised it was possible to take the Teleferic de Muntjuic all the way to the top of the Muntjuic mountain where the Muntjuic castle is located. I was walking my way up to the lower planes and gardens of the mountain, when I saw a line of people waiting to enter the Teleferic station. It seemed like a lot of people already, but I was immediately eager to also take the Teleferic. As I joined the line of people, I realised that the Teleferic was actually still closed but it was about to open in just 2 minutes. Once the door of the station opened, the queue moved inside rather quickly and within 10 minutes I was stepping inside my own cabin. 

When the Cabin started rolling along the cable, I felt a gracious happyness. I was enjoying myself a lot. I wanted to make lots of photograps because the views were really stunning. Within myself I felt like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and this caused me to actually create stress about taking enough pictures. At that point I realised that I should give myself the space to simply enjoy and sit and breathe. So I settled within myself and when appropriate, I took a photograph.

Once I walked out of the cabin at the top, there was an area which had a stunning view over the industrial harbour of Barcelona. I walked around and took some pictures. At one point I saw a seagull flying at about my height, perhaps 20 meters away from me. Except that he was flying besides the mountain so he was floating really high in the sky from his vantage point. In that moment I could stand in the shoes of the Saegull because I was looking down at pretty much the same depth below. Upon experiencing the Seagull I came up with the following lines on that day:

"Als je een Meeuw bent,

Mag je geen hoogtevrees hebben."

(When you are a Seagull,

You cannot have fear of heights.) 

The castle in itself was not of that much interest to me, except that it offered more nice views over the whole area of Barcelona. On my way down with the Teleferic (because I bought a return ticket, you could also choose to walk all your way down again) I started to seriously look at the point at hand as I saw that I had to make a decision: what am I going to do next? I used my right hand to guide me as I was looking at the point and what stood out for me in that moment was that I was not comfortable with the idea of traveling around the country. Within myself I went: am I just allowed to do that? I cancel the whole idea of traveling around and I simply stay the whole time in Barcelona? I went pfft yes let me just do that. I mean I am having a lot of fun in Barcelona. 

I did not look at the point further untill later that day, I think it was the afternoon, when I realised: hey, wait a minute, this doesn't make sense. Because when it came down to the historical city of Barcelona, the truth was that I was starting to become fed up with being there. It was suddenly clear and obvious that staying here was not an option at all. And this experience of fed-up ness had already come up the previous day as well - hence I knew that this was the reality of the situation. I knew that now, and only now, I was ready to move on. That evening in the hotel I booked a car for eight days and I bought a returnflight to Belgium. 

I had nine more days to spend in Spain and tomorrow was my last day in Barcelona. 

Day 398 - My Journey into Spain - First Chapter

Normally when I travel abroad, I prefer to stay more or less in one location and not move around too much. But this time, the suggestion came up that I should 'travel around' and explore the country. I have never done this before on my own. With my partner we did travel to countries and we traveled around, but the initiation and the movement would come from my partner and I would just 'ride along'. 

Within my personality I have quite a bit of 'fears' as regards 'unpredictable things' that can happen whilst traveling, consequently for me to do this ony my own was an important step. When I leanred that I would not be able to travel to Panama less than 24 hours before the departure flight, I looked at the situation and talking with my partner, I decided that I wanted to travel to Spain instead. I had 2 weeks of holiday ahead of me and it was the middle of the summer. In a way it was perfect. 

So within the span of one day, I booked a one way ticket to Barcelona plus a hotel for 4 nights in the city. I did not know what I would do after those 4 nights nor did I know when I would fly home. But most likely I would after those 4 days, hire a car and travel to other places and then see when I would be ready to return home. I just had to make sure I'd be back after two weeks. 

The benefit was that my suitcase was already packed for a 2-week holiday. I simply had to replace some stuff and do some different paperwork as regards traveling to Spain. I enjoyed being able to simply book a flight and not know exactly when I'd return home. Many people do this type of traveling already in their twenties, but as I said, for me it was all new. 

What was interesting within this trip is that I knew where my fears and insecurities were. I knew that I would have to deliberately move myself to challenge myself and not fall back into comfort zones and fears of the unknown. In that sense my trip was quite expansive, because I did succeed in identifying those moments where I usually 'back off' in fear and instead guided myself to take small leaps of faith. 

The rest of my amazing journey will be posted on this blog in days to come. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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