Day 400 - My Journey into Spain - Third Chapter

I was sitting in the car on a parking lot. I had reached the city of Girona. It was incredibly hot and being stressed I did not think of turning on the airco while I was looking at my phone. I had gone into a gloomy experience of myself, because based on my first impression of the outer area of the city, I had created the idea that the city was basically boring.

As I was allowing myself to sink further into this gloominess, I saw that my partner had sent me a text asking me where I was and what I was up to. In hindsight it was interesting to see how easily I was allowing myself to ‘give up’ and basically create an experience of myself where I felt ‘stuck’. I answered her that I was at the doorstep of Girona and that I was looking at what to do… She immediately wrote back saying that Girona is a beautiful city with lots to see and that I should stay there! The enthusiasm of her message made me realise that I was using flimsy perceptions to influence me in my self-direction. (she had already told me before that the city was worthwhile) I snapped out of my lethargy and started looking for hotels. Soon enough I found a nice hotel at a nice (last minute) discount price in the middle of the city with access to an underground parking nearby.

I was amazed at the fact that I was able to book a hotel right there in the car, simply by using the internet on my phone and a credit card. On top of that the hotel immediately wrote me in WhatsApp to give me some instructions and directions... It is only a year or so ago that I bought a smartphone that is really efficient enough to be used as a smartphone (My previous phone was 6 years old and not working anymore). This allows me to actually use all the ‘features’ and apps in a nice way – as a result of this I have started to use my phone much more. By hanging on to an old phone that was partially dysfunctional, it was as if I was refusing to use all the resources that were available to me in the world, simply because I was ‘judging’ how the world had changed as a result of the widespread use of smartphones. The truth is that without my new phone my journey into Spain would have been not so easy.  

The hotel in Girona (Condall Hotel) was very pleasant and it was actually one of my best hotel experiences ever, even despite there being no breakfast. The room was bright, neat and clean, with a nice street view. I immediately felt ‘at home’. I was happy and content with myself for being in the place where I was. Again, it is amazing to realise how we can let ourselves be influenced by a perception, a small point, which will then determine our total experience, like a veil we pull over our eyes.

The weather continued to be very warm and I walked to the tourist office in the city centre. I received a map and a rough outline of what I could expect to find in the city. The rest of the day I spent walking from one historical site to another. I was impressed by the amount and the beauty of the sites and in the evening I walked to a jazzcafè where a band would be playing. I arrived an hour late but the band hadn't started yet. Even though I was told that the place was 'full' and that I had no 'reservation' I did not allow that to discourage me. I said in Spanish that it didn't matter and that I would listen from behind the fence then! (they had build a little fence around the outdoor seating area) The lady at the entrance then proceeded to give me one of their foldable chairs anyways and I set myself down just next to the fence, being able to perfectly see the concert and enjoy the music. I had a great time.

Because Girona was fairly small (compared to Barcelona) I projected that I should also make some excursions by car left and right. By looking on the internet I found a small beach (Platja Fonda) that seemed fun to drive to and that’s exactly what I did the next day. I got up early enough to make sure I would find a parking spot and off I was…

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 377 - My Trip to Panama 2020 (Part 1)

After reading a blog that talked about the regrets one would have if one died right now, I realised that the one thing I would regret the most, was that I had not yet visited my family in Panama.

When I realised this, I made an instructional note in my daily diary and the following day I started making all the practical arrangements (such as confirming with my family when I could come and booking the flights) to visit my family early this year.

It is interesting that the contemplation of death puts us in a position of looking at our lives from an absolute startingpoint and being able to see clearly what it is we are suppressing or not allowing ourselves to live.

I have now been in Panama for almost 2 weeks and I have enjoyed myself a lot. I was able to reconnect with my family and friends. With and through this visit I have moved around a lot of points within myself. Some of them through actively discussing a topic and others through observing the solutions and the example that others are living and standing as.

Even though I could not stay as long as I would have wanted to, I am very thankful for having made this voyage. For me it made a lot of points 'come together' and I will in the future continue to visit.

Today is one of the last days of my stay and in the morning I had felt a weird pressure within myself, a 'restlesness'. Initially I did not know how to direct myself, so I decided to go work in the garden for a moment to get out of my head. Afterwards I discussed my experience with my sister and what I realised is that I actually regret having to go home again. So, on my next trip I will arrange myself to be able to stay a bit longer if I can. The nature is quite outstanding and there is no comparison to the city-life environment back at home.

What I also faced during this trip is having the 'courage' to not study for one day or two. Normally I would not feel good about that at all. Meaning: unless there were circumstances that 'prevent' me from studying I will expect myself to study every day. But I must also have the ability to say 'stop' to myself for a few days and simply shift my focus and 'experience' different things. This is where I create stress for myself back at home as well.

Another suggestion that was given to me here is to enroll for a Tai Chi class. I have often heard of Tai Chi but ever since I was a child (and was practising Karaté) I felt apprehensive towards Tai Chi, because I would judge it as being 'too soft' and 'unpractical' (even though I have never done it). Yet in discussing this with my sisters I have gained a new perspective on this 'sport' and hence I will take classess when I am back at home.

I have also started to read an interesting book called 'The Book of Mirdad' by Mikhail Naimy, which Leila kept talking about and I can see how this book gives very practical life lessons and as such is a very good guide to process. I am looking forward to read the rest of the book.

(written on 19 february 2020)

To be continued...

Day 350 - Waiting for Change instead of consistent Self-Movement

I see/ realise and acknowledge that a degradation has been going on of ‘me’ and my application within my life and my process. This degradation I have calmly hidden behind the belief that my life is hectic and that ‘I have no time’.

I hereby stop this belief and declare it non-valid.

I see that this degradation is and has been affecting all my relationships in my life and mostly puts me in a spot of ‘waiting’ for change to come and change to happen to me – like a salvation. I have thus become like the Christian who waits for salvation.

There is some insight here and there – but then I PLUNGE again within acts of deliberate spitefulness right back into the systematic life and living – right back into the ego and the mind. Just enough to fool myself with the belief ‘that I am still doing something’, ‘at least I am still doing my best’. In reality I am not doing my best at all and I have given up.

There needs to be a consistent movement of self as: self-application, self-breathing, self-writing, self-sharing, self-changing and self-expanding.

When none of this is happening then self will shrink in the mind.

I commit myself to daily:

Self-application

Self-breathing

Self-writing

Self-sharing

Self-changing

Self-expanding

and will daily challenge myself on these points: am I actually living these words or am I simply creating a BELIEF about myself ?

For more information on writing and self-change, visit www.eqafe.com

Day 337 - My Visit to Belgium - Decade with Desteni

It was very interesting for me to visit Leila, Gian and Cesar back at my parent’s home in Belgium this week. It meant that I was reunited with one of my sisters, her husband and child, plus my parents.

What stood out for me is how, when Cesar (Leila and Gians child) would act in certain ways the overall response from my parents was not in accordance with how I remembered them. In relative terms they were quite relaxed and patient in how they dealt with the small one. Especially when he started drawing on the kitchen tiles with color pencils I went into a little moment of panic ‘because my dad is going to EXPLODE’, but he didn’t. Cesar was simply shown by Leila and Gian how he can clean the tiles afterwards with a wet sponge so that is what Cesar did.

This in turn showed me that my parents are able to change and that there are aspects of and about them that I do not necessarily know yet. Therefore I got to know them in a different way, which reminded me of the potential that exists in everyone to drop their old patterns and become a better version of themselves.

I had been visiting my parents a few times a year and I would say that the communication with my dad had evolved from speaking uncomfortably way in the beginning to now talking normally. There was a moment this week where I stood next to him in the kitchen and we were talking about watching cycling on the television. Suddenly I said to him: “you know, I never understood how you can watch cycling on television.” This is not something I would normally have allowed myself to say. I would have dismissed it as something that ‘can create conflict’ instead of seeing the innocence in it. The only way I could ask him that question is because I accepted myself in that moment and felt comfortable expressing myself towards my dad, even though I was not sure how he would react. (He was simply stunned for a moment.)

Another thing that was interesting to watch is how Leila and Gian deal with Cesar on a daily basis. I have never seen such a form of absolutely consistent and dedicated parenting.

Whenever Cesar did something that was in some way inconsiderate of others or the environment, they would approach him and explain to him in English the outflow of his actions and why he needs to adjust his behavior. They would speak to him in a calm manner and with a normal tone of voice. This would most of the times lead to him making a statement that he understands and then he would stop the behavior or pattern. What astounded me is that he as a small boy is completely open to reason. Yes, there is no yelling required, no freaking out, no manipulation with fear, no physical abuse, no verbal abuse, simply explaining consequences and showing the responsibility Cesar has within his actions.

It became apparent to me then that parenting is really the key to creating a world of stable and grounded humans capable of common sense and living in harmony with their environment and with other life forms.

Come and join us in this process of discovering what Life means. These glimpses of ‘Heaven on Earth’ that I am seeing, that I experienced this week, they did not just come falling from the sky. They were the result of working together in a group, of individually and together applying the tools of self-forgiveness, writing and changing ‘who we are’ over many years.

Find out more: http://desteni.org

Free online course to learn self-writing: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com