Day 384 - Living inside the Tip of the Iceberg

Here I would like to share some of the experiences I went through in the first few years of my process, after I had made my first visit to the farm. As I am suggesting in the title of this blog, I was living inside the Tip of an Iceberg. Before I went to the farm, I had a vision of myself as a person, and an idea about how I was walking my process. 

Little did I know of what was going to be unleashed in my life, by and through none other than... myself. The things that I faced and experienced were all a direct result of actions taken by me. That made it easier to reflect on my 'self-responsibility' and it did indeed prove that I am responsible for myself and my life. 

I remember the general anxiety and fear that existed in the back of me as a deep but very present sound, boiling deep within me. I had faced a few things before I made my first trip to the farm, I walked through some inner storms and turmoil. But still, that was nothing compared to what was to come. At the farm, Bernard made it clear on a few occasions that there was a 'madness' existing within me and that this is what I feared the most... 

I realised that there is not going to be any special treatments and I am going to face what I need to face. There is going to be no escape. And so I walked into my many rabbitholes, losing the plot, losing touch, no longer knowing what was up or down. How could this be? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve this? The simple fact is that it was part of my design and I was simply facing my design. 

Bernard, and many others, supported me in understanding my responsibility - and that is all they could do. It was my responsibility to stand up and walk my process from the bottom. When things were still not working out and I had dugg a hole for myself, Bernard invited me back to the farm and gave me a second chance at creating a life for myself. This time I picked myself up and created a turn in my life. It took time, but the foundations were laid in my conversations with Bernard in South Africa. 

Had it not been for the support I received from the farm, Bernard, and everyone involved, including my parents, I would not have been able to face and walk through those darkest parts of myself in the way that I did. When I had walked out of it all, I had a 'purpose' and a 'life ambition'. Imagine, the key to changing the universe actually started with me giving myself the opportunity to live a real life. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 337 - My Visit to Belgium - Decade with Desteni

It was very interesting for me to visit Leila, Gian and Cesar back at my parent’s home in Belgium this week. It meant that I was reunited with one of my sisters, her husband and child, plus my parents.

What stood out for me is how, when Cesar (Leila and Gians child) would act in certain ways the overall response from my parents was not in accordance with how I remembered them. In relative terms they were quite relaxed and patient in how they dealt with the small one. Especially when he started drawing on the kitchen tiles with color pencils I went into a little moment of panic ‘because my dad is going to EXPLODE’, but he didn’t. Cesar was simply shown by Leila and Gian how he can clean the tiles afterwards with a wet sponge so that is what Cesar did.

This in turn showed me that my parents are able to change and that there are aspects of and about them that I do not necessarily know yet. Therefore I got to know them in a different way, which reminded me of the potential that exists in everyone to drop their old patterns and become a better version of themselves.

I had been visiting my parents a few times a year and I would say that the communication with my dad had evolved from speaking uncomfortably way in the beginning to now talking normally. There was a moment this week where I stood next to him in the kitchen and we were talking about watching cycling on the television. Suddenly I said to him: “you know, I never understood how you can watch cycling on television.” This is not something I would normally have allowed myself to say. I would have dismissed it as something that ‘can create conflict’ instead of seeing the innocence in it. The only way I could ask him that question is because I accepted myself in that moment and felt comfortable expressing myself towards my dad, even though I was not sure how he would react. (He was simply stunned for a moment.)

Another thing that was interesting to watch is how Leila and Gian deal with Cesar on a daily basis. I have never seen such a form of absolutely consistent and dedicated parenting.

Whenever Cesar did something that was in some way inconsiderate of others or the environment, they would approach him and explain to him in English the outflow of his actions and why he needs to adjust his behavior. They would speak to him in a calm manner and with a normal tone of voice. This would most of the times lead to him making a statement that he understands and then he would stop the behavior or pattern. What astounded me is that he as a small boy is completely open to reason. Yes, there is no yelling required, no freaking out, no manipulation with fear, no physical abuse, no verbal abuse, simply explaining consequences and showing the responsibility Cesar has within his actions.

It became apparent to me then that parenting is really the key to creating a world of stable and grounded humans capable of common sense and living in harmony with their environment and with other life forms.

Come and join us in this process of discovering what Life means. These glimpses of ‘Heaven on Earth’ that I am seeing, that I experienced this week, they did not just come falling from the sky. They were the result of working together in a group, of individually and together applying the tools of self-forgiveness, writing and changing ‘who we are’ over many years.

Find out more: http://desteni.org

Free online course to learn self-writing: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com