Day 398 - My Journey into Spain - First Chapter

Normally when I travel abroad, I prefer to stay more or less in one location and not move around too much. But this time, the suggestion came up that I should 'travel around' and explore the country. I have never done this before on my own. With my partner we did travel to countries and we traveled around, but the initiation and the movement would come from my partner and I would just 'ride along'. 

Within my personality I have quite a bit of 'fears' as regards 'unpredictable things' that can happen whilst traveling, consequently for me to do this ony my own was an important step. When I leanred that I would not be able to travel to Panama less than 24 hours before the departure flight, I looked at the situation and talking with my partner, I decided that I wanted to travel to Spain instead. I had 2 weeks of holiday ahead of me and it was the middle of the summer. In a way it was perfect. 

So within the span of one day, I booked a one way ticket to Barcelona plus a hotel for 4 nights in the city. I did not know what I would do after those 4 nights nor did I know when I would fly home. But most likely I would after those 4 days, hire a car and travel to other places and then see when I would be ready to return home. I just had to make sure I'd be back after two weeks. 

The benefit was that my suitcase was already packed for a 2-week holiday. I simply had to replace some stuff and do some different paperwork as regards traveling to Spain. I enjoyed being able to simply book a flight and not know exactly when I'd return home. Many people do this type of traveling already in their twenties, but as I said, for me it was all new. 

What was interesting within this trip is that I knew where my fears and insecurities were. I knew that I would have to deliberately move myself to challenge myself and not fall back into comfort zones and fears of the unknown. In that sense my trip was quite expansive, because I did succeed in identifying those moments where I usually 'back off' in fear and instead guided myself to take small leaps of faith. 

The rest of my amazing journey will be posted on this blog in days to come. 

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Day 377 - My Trip to Panama 2020 (Part 1)

After reading a blog that talked about the regrets one would have if one died right now, I realised that the one thing I would regret the most, was that I had not yet visited my family in Panama.

When I realised this, I made an instructional note in my daily diary and the following day I started making all the practical arrangements (such as confirming with my family when I could come and booking the flights) to visit my family early this year.

It is interesting that the contemplation of death puts us in a position of looking at our lives from an absolute startingpoint and being able to see clearly what it is we are suppressing or not allowing ourselves to live.

I have now been in Panama for almost 2 weeks and I have enjoyed myself a lot. I was able to reconnect with my family and friends. With and through this visit I have moved around a lot of points within myself. Some of them through actively discussing a topic and others through observing the solutions and the example that others are living and standing as.

Even though I could not stay as long as I would have wanted to, I am very thankful for having made this voyage. For me it made a lot of points 'come together' and I will in the future continue to visit.

Today is one of the last days of my stay and in the morning I had felt a weird pressure within myself, a 'restlesness'. Initially I did not know how to direct myself, so I decided to go work in the garden for a moment to get out of my head. Afterwards I discussed my experience with my sister and what I realised is that I actually regret having to go home again. So, on my next trip I will arrange myself to be able to stay a bit longer if I can. The nature is quite outstanding and there is no comparison to the city-life environment back at home.

What I also faced during this trip is having the 'courage' to not study for one day or two. Normally I would not feel good about that at all. Meaning: unless there were circumstances that 'prevent' me from studying I will expect myself to study every day. But I must also have the ability to say 'stop' to myself for a few days and simply shift my focus and 'experience' different things. This is where I create stress for myself back at home as well.

Another suggestion that was given to me here is to enroll for a Tai Chi class. I have often heard of Tai Chi but ever since I was a child (and was practising Karaté) I felt apprehensive towards Tai Chi, because I would judge it as being 'too soft' and 'unpractical' (even though I have never done it). Yet in discussing this with my sisters I have gained a new perspective on this 'sport' and hence I will take classess when I am back at home.

I have also started to read an interesting book called 'The Book of Mirdad' by Mikhail Naimy, which Leila kept talking about and I can see how this book gives very practical life lessons and as such is a very good guide to process. I am looking forward to read the rest of the book.

(written on 19 february 2020)

To be continued...