Day 392 - A World where Growing Old is Embraced and Supported

This topic opened op when I was contemplating how some individuals do manage to grow quite old in this world. This struck me, because I somehow do not expect myself to get that old. And I wondered why? 

I then looked at the center point: which is that everyone fears ageing. But why do we fear it so much? Is it simply because we fear death? Maybe, but there seems to be quite a lot more to it. When I looked at it the answer was rather simple: it is that with ageing comes more insecurity. We basically do not expect that the world will be of much support when and as we grow old. That is quite rough.

As I write this I can sense a pain that is difficult to describe. 

In Europe a lot of this insecurity is tied in with the discourse being held by the governments: they already warn of the precarity of the future pensions. Make sure that somehow you have money to survive because if you do not... you need to provide for your own pension, your own plan B. This reminds me of the situation in Greece in 2014 (when the economy collapsed), when it was reported that an elderly man, when reading the amount of his montly pension allowance, walked down the river and hung himself from a tree. 

Where does 'change' begin? Does it begin on the streets? Does it begin in Parliament? Does it begin on Television? Does it begin in school? Where... what... how... 

It begins within self:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ageing as something that is 'undesireable' and 'ugly'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that we locked down the economy to apparently protect the elderly, but the truth is we do not care about the elderly as we will not even guarantee their right to exist and live a meaningfull life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simpy 'accept' that this is how we treat elderly, which means that this is how we are willing to treat ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that our society punishes the elderly - which is the reflection of a society hating itself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself and consequently accept that it is ok that I should fear for my own survival as an elderly - as if that somehow is what I actually deserved all along: to die like a rat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have no understanding of what it means to care for myself as life and to care for another as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prove myself unable to have a long term vision for humanity and for myself and for the existence of humanity in this world.

A World where Growing Old is Embraced and Supported. What would that look like? In the beginning was the Word. 

-----------------------------------------------------------

For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

---------------------------------------------------------- 

Day 345 - Between Illusion and Reality

In February of this year I was sick for 10 days. The dokter said I had a virus but he could not determine which one. It was certainly not bacteria as the blood tests came out clean. I was feeling physically weak, looking pale and I could not concentrate on anything for too long. Because my work is very demanding and a high-pressure environment I decided that I could not go to work and that I needed to get better. The dokter kept on prescribing me sick-leave notes all the while testing for different types of virusses. 

One day I was discussing the medical results with my partner and at one point she asked me: "Are you sure you are not just sabotaging yourself because you hate your work?" I looked at her question and said: "No, I am not sure."  

What followed was a discussion which led to the moment of realisation that: I had created this sickness experience with my mind... Allmost from one moment to the next, I was feeling much better and the next day I was already up and about being very active like usual. The physical experience of weakness and all the other symptoms were completely gone.  

I was very relieved, but there was still the question: If this is the case, how did I come to this point of wanting to avoid my work so much? This was a recent change as I had mostly enjoyed going to work and being active at work. 

What stood out was an overall accumulation of stress and what I experienced as 'pressure'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being and becoming 'pushed' at my work and feeling that I cannot do my work properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike not knowing what to do and having to ask others for support when they are already themselves drowning in work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do everything 'alone' by 'myself' as that means that I am an 'expert'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not meet the expectations that everyone has within meeting certain deadlines and that this will result in screaming and anger.

I realise and accept that despite possible screaming and anger from another person I am still here and I still respect myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bored with the work and the objectives and within that no longer pushing myself to excell. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my job more complicated than it needs to be by participating in future projections instead of remaining here in breath with the task(s) at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimise myself within perceiving that I cannot handle the stress effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the stress a 'fact' instead of seeing and realising that I am creating the stress through thinking and manifesting it as an energy in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the 'anxiety' and the 'stress' instead of standing equal to it and working with it as a part of me and as a point to transcend.

I realise and understand that despite the fast-paced-ness of the environment I can remain in breath-awareness and direct myself in the best possible way to resolve the issues that come my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not have enough time to tend to my most important responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this doom-scenario create an internal pressure based on fear and energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'give up' when I see myself as having to perform a series of tasks and immediatley thinking there will not be enough time - and from there create a state of panic within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create panic as a 'justification' to abdicate responsibility and not make sure that I can tend to my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of feeling overwhelmed instead of realising and understanding that I am still able to organise myself despite the amount of information.

It is interesting. On the one hand I enjoy the responsibility and the idea that people count on me. On the other hand there is a self-sabotage character at work where I go into self-doubt and the fear that I will screw-up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-sabotage character based on memories of the past where I perceive that I 'screwed up' and where 'I was blamed' for my mistake.

Try the DIP Lite course for Free and discover the power of Self-Forgiveness.
Visit desteni.org for more information.

Day 330 - The Design of Giving up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself within and as 'giving up' - believing myself to be 'giving up'.

How/where/when did I create myself within and as this experience? In school where I believed the whole thing - that which is expected of me - to be impossible, and thus I gave up.

I forgive myself that I have in school only performed to a limited extent - not investing the whole of me within the belief that it is impossible, and therefore why should I even risk giving it my all.

I commit myself to reveal to myself and allow myself into my full potential as self-movement and self-dedication as self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced school as 'limitation' and as a prison, instead of seeing it as potential and as possibility. I realise and understand that education is/was not a 'container' but an opportunity for self-empowerment and self-enrichment.

I realise and understand that I determined my experience in school through believing myself to be a slave and powerless, instead of realising my power as self-creation and self-will.

With regards to the cycles of giving up: I realise that I am not real yet, yet I have the power to walk a decision to become real as life.

Visit: http://desteni.org for more perspective and context.
Visit http://lite.desteniiprocess.com and enroll in a free online course to get to know your mind.