Day 364 - Normal Communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted  and allowed myself to use anger as a means to ‚fight‘ instead of allowing myself to be vulnerable as life and to use normal communication.

I commit myself to delve into me as the moment I wish to supress myself with fear disguised as anger.

I commit myself to play with allowing myself to be open about my experiences and concerns and to show to myself that it is okay to simply say what is the matter as a matter of communication, instead of screaming and ‚defense‘.

I commit myself to use communication as a painting, which means precision and self-intimacy and patience.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 356 - From conflict and fighting to Participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freak out when F shows me how to position a curtain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset and shout "I don’t want you to intervene!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I ‘lose my control’ because F does something ‘without my permission’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic because I fear losing some kind of arrangement I had and think she will ‘distort it’ and I think my solution is the only correct one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and fall into reactions as emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reacting emotionally because ‘she is not allowed to do that’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel interfered with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stepped over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disrespected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my perception as ‘control’ instead of simply breathing and letting go and allowing the ‘risk’ of something new to unfold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘defend’ that which I ‘know’ and ‘fear losing’ the relative comfort which my approach was providing, instead of allowing myself to try something new and seeing if it does not work better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself with an automatic ‘no’ towards anything that challenges me and questions the way I do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful and aggressive about a point so simple as the way a curtain is arranged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself so seriously that I think that my way is the best way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into ego instead of allowing myself to see a solution for what it is, irrespective of who presents it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with F and wanting to prove my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use conflict instead of breathing and simple communication.

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself reacting to something small and simple where I perceive that I am being interfered with – to stop and breathe, take a moment and speak from clarity and participate with the other person in her suggested solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fight it’ instead of ‘participating in it’ and going all the way in contributing to it – this way making it in effect impersonal and applying and testing what is best for all.

I commit myself to test participating and walking unconditionaly with solutions offered by another person as a way to move through my fears of losing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use panic and drama as a way to dissuade another person from showing me something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use forcefulness as shouting or physically holding onto something as a way to dissuade another person from showing me something.

I commit myself to physically let go and create the space for another to show me something, whitin the realisation that what is best for all is also best for me - therefore I have nothing to lose, as a best for all solution is impersonal.

(To be continued)
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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 355 - Remembering an EQAFE Interview

It has been a while that I have been wanting to share this experience I had with an EQAFE interview, yet have been unable to, due to many changes in my life that are now slowly coming to an end.

One day I was sitting with my partner. I had come to sit with her because she was dealing with a point. This point in question was a point she had been bringing up more than once, and in the back of my mind there was already a judgment about 'not this point again'.

As she was speaking her concerns and her considerations, which were initially the same as I had heard previously (so I told myself) – I started to feel a pressure within myself to ‘intervene‘  and ask her to ‘calm down‘ and telling her that she was being ‘emotional‘. Within her words there was a certain agitation based on the unresolvedness of this conflcit and I could feel that she felt ’stuck‘ with this point.

Normally I would have given in to the temptation to start ’interrupting‘ and ‘speaking‘ under the pretext of ’supporting the person‘ (but in reality only as an attempt to control her as a way to stop my own un-ease with the situation) – yet in that moment a message from an EQAFE interview came up within me, I recalled it and saw how I could use it in this moment.

The EQAFE interview (I do not recall the name of it) was about that we sometimes need to be patient when dealing with our own mind. In the interview an example was given of a child trowing a tantrum and how one cannot simply expect the child to stop ‚in one moment‘ but that it may be required for the child to `act out the energies and the tantrum before he can start to stabilize himself again‘ – in other words: sometimes it is required to let the energies simply run out. In the interview it was then suggested that we take a similar approach with ourselves, when finding ourselves in an energetic or emotional state: it may be required for us to run out the energies first before we can start to create stability and clarity within ourselves again.

Back to the situation with my partner: Without me basically saying or doing anything – but simply by remaining quiet and letting my partner speak - , she eventually regained stability within herself which I could hear in her words as she was continuing to speak. Not only did she regain stability within herself but she was even able to move further than that and ended up formulating a solution to the inner conflict – without me contributing even a single word. As this happened I realised what I had done in the previous instances and how I had actually prevented the person from resolving her issue. I had actually misunderstood my role: my role was not to ’try and help‘ the person but to simply ’let her be‘ and ’give her the space and time‘ to develop her own insight. I had to sctually stand back and let her speak to me. That was my role.

For more information about EQAFE interviews, please visit: https://eqafe.com