donderdag 27 december 2018

Day 355 - Remembering an EQAFE Interview

It has been a while that I have been wanting to share this experience I had with an EQAFE interview, yet have been unable to, due to many changes in my life that are now slowly coming to an end.

One day I was sitting with my partner. I had come to sit with her because she was dealing with a point. This point in question was a point she had been bringing up more than once, and in the back of my mind there was already a judgment about 'not this point again'.

As she was speaking her concerns and her considerations, which were initially the same as I had heard previously (so I told myself) – I started to feel a pressure within myself to ‘intervene‘  and ask her to ‘calm down‘ and telling her that she was being ‘emotional‘. Within her words there was a certain agitation based on the unresolvedness of this conflcit and I could feel that she felt ’stuck‘ with this point.

Normally I would have given in to the temptation to start ’interrupting‘ and ‘speaking‘ under the pretext of ’supporting the person‘ (but in reality only as an attempt to control her as a way to stop my own un-ease with the situation) – yet in that moment a message from an EQAFE interview came up within me, I recalled it and saw how I could use it in this moment.

The EQAFE interview (I do not recall the name of it) was about that we sometimes need to be patient when dealing with our own mind. In the interview an example was given of a child trowing a tantrum and how one cannot simply expect the child to stop ‚in one moment‘ but that it may be required for the child to `act out the energies and the tantrum before he can start to stabilize himself again‘ – in other words: sometimes it is required to let the energies simply run out. In the interview it was then suggested that we take a similar approach with ourselves, when finding ourselves in an energetic or emotional state: it may be required for us to run out the energies first before we can start to create stability and clarity within ourselves again.

Back to the situation with my partner: Without me basically saying or doing anything – but simply by remaining quiet and letting my partner speak - , she eventually regained stability within herself which I could hear in her words as she was continuing to speak. Not only did she regain stability within herself but she was even able to move further than that and ended up formulating a solution to the inner conflict – without me contributing even a single word. As this happened I realised what I had done in the previous instances and how I had actually prevented the person from resolving her issue. I had actually misunderstood my role: my role was not to ’try and help‘ the person but to simply ’let her be‘ and ’give her the space and time‘ to develop her own insight. I had to sctually stand back and let her speak to me. That was my role.

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