Day 383 - Writing as a habit that Supports Me

An interesting thing occured when I made the decision to 'write everyday' in my daily diarybook. In the past I would have felt like such a commitment is not realistic and hence it would be like setting myself up for failure. 

I would say that the commitment to write daily in my daily diary did not come as a thought in my head but more as a realisation of what I am ready to give to myself. Hence the decision was made in an instant. 

The clarity of the decision was given within what I saw would help and asist others. On the open forum I had often suggested that 'this is something that will support you'. And in many ways, also through listening to EQAFE interviews it had become clear and apparent that 'writing daily' was really a key in developing a relationship of self-introspection with self. 

So what was 'new' so to speak when I made my decision to write daily in my dialy diary was the realisation that I do not need to write 'a lot' every day - in fact initially I was more looking at placing key words and bullet points per evening, as something that would support me with 'slowing down' at least one moment per day, and actually look at myself and who I am, looking at 'who I was today'. 

This is then how I saw that my commitment was realistic and that is how I started. I have since walked my daily diary writing every day and I am currently at 'Day 395'. There was a moment where I was faced with hesitation because after a few weeks the thought came up that I would not be able to work on a DIP assignment AND have enough time to write in my Daily diary in one day. So, I then made an agreement with myself that it is not about the 'writing in the daily diary' per say, but about the daily introspection through writing. Hence, if I have worked on a DIP assignment on a given day, then I can simply make a note in my daily diary for that day that I worked on my DIP an that is then my writing for the day. 

This allowed me to continue my daily commitment, even though later on even if I had worked on a DIP assignment, I would eventually still write in the diary in the evening, simply because I have made a habit out of it and because it supports me to do so before going to bed every day. This has assisted me with developing a deeper intimacy with myself and making sure that I look at those parts of myself that I am not satisfied with and looking at how I can change myself in them in a practical way.  

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 378 - Remaining calm as a situation escalates

In one of my former jobs, one day a conflict with screaming and lots of emotion emerged on the workfloor. At first there was tension as two colleges were starting to exchange words and one could feel the tension escalating between the two of them. Then a third person got involved and when he got involved he eventually lost his temper and him and one other person stood literally screaming on the top of their lungs on the workfloor.  Me, and I am sure many others who were present, had never witnessed anything like this before.

I was sitting 2 meters away from them as this unfolded and accross from me sat a younger college who was trying to stay focussed on her work. As this unfolded and the screaming started, I knew within myself that it was my job and my responsibility to focus on my breathing and to remain stable, calm and to stop any and all fear and panic that I was experiencing as the two other people were allowing themselves to become hectic.

In a way I was not in a position to 'stand up' and intervene. That was not my place nor was it my point of power in this particular situation. I did not even have words coming up within me that could be of any benefit in that given situation. I was pretty certain that intervening would only create more emotions and chaos. There was also a 'risk' because one of the people screaming was simply my boss.

Therefore I continued to focus on my breathing and simply staying focussed on my screen, even though I was not able within myself to 'pretend' that nothing was going on and actually get my work done. None the less I made it so that my presence would be that of someone who is not affected by what is going on. I held myself and my body stable and simply breathe. This went on for quite some time.

After the emotional storm had passed, there was a moment where I questioned myself and whether I should not have stepped in and 'said something'. But what remained was the stability within my silence and I felt like I had 'no insight'. Afterwards the young college who sat accross from me stood up and said she was so gratefull that I had been there because I stayed so calm. This is where I realised that in certain cases we do not assist and support people by 'doing great things' but simply by standing firm within our principle of remaining stable and calm no matter what happens.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 357 - From irritation to Equality

We had planned on making a little trip outside of town and go for a walk. We had made preparations in terms of the trajectory along which we would be walking and also where we would be parking the car.

When we arrived we wanted to determine the starting point of the walking trajectory. We were still sitting in the car and looking at a little map on one of our phones. At the same time I was working from memory regarding the plan I had seen on the computer earlier and I had also seen how this correlated with the street map on our GPS system in the car. Based on this I was sure about where exactly the starting point of the walking trajectory was in relation to the car. I told my partner and wanted us to move on and get out of the car.

To my partner however, my assessment was not entirely clear and she was not convinced that my direction was correct. In this moment I started to experience irritation because I was within myself justifying that I was ‘certain’ and therefore my partner was irresponsible in wanting us to spend more time on determining the beginning of the trajectory, so my backchat went.

At the same time I realized there had been countless situations where I had perceived myself to be correct about a point which then later on turned out to be ‘incorrect’. Therefore I calmed myself down with breathing and started to explain patiently to my partner, using all the tools we had available, the phone and the GPS – also getting out of the car myself to verify the streetnames outside - until she actually arrived at the same conclusion that I had come to.  Then, we were both on equal footing and together we left the car and started our walking trajectory.

This to me was a little victory, because it showed me how easily I would have let something so small turn into a point of friction and conflict – instead of applying humbleness and within that creating equality. And how much more enjoyable it was to simply be patient and share and communicate than to become emotional. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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