Day 387 - Dark Thoughts of a Dark Knight

What I enjoy these days is that we go out for a bikeride every evening after work. This is not something I would normally push myself to do especially with the days being so short and the dark setting in very early and the temperatures being close to zero. But every evening I am being asked (and pushed) to join for the evening bikeride and it does have a beneficial effect on how I experience myself in what is still a semi-lockdown. We put on warm clothes and just venture out on our bikes. There have been evenings where I have been more reluctant because I could feel how cold it was outside, and there was a natural tendency to just want to stay inside and 'be warm' but the reality is that I had been inside already all day, working in front of a computer and that bikeride just creates a real break from that living between four walls, as if one is only existing in a cave. 

I can see how it would be so easy to just sink into some kind of 'depression' given the context of lock-down and just become 'demoralised' with the days being so monotonous. This is why I realise that I need to push myself to go out every evening if I can for that bikeride as it is the one thing we do together in that day that we really enjoy. So it is funny that despite all this evidence, I would still be able to come up with 'doubt' and 'second guessing' as to whether I really want to go for a bikeride on a given day - why not just embrace the LEAP wand WALK the point unconditionally, giving of myself to myself and the other. That would make it even more enjoyable and strengthening of myself and my ability to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to get attention within being 'reluctant' and 'needing proof' that a bikeride would be good for us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I cannot make a simple decision without going through doubt and getting attention first. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play a game within pretending that I am reluctant to go outside when in reality I am not reluctant at all and I can clearly see that this would be best for both of us. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself playing a game with myself and another, I stop and breathe - and look at what it is that I in self-honesty want in this moment without beating around the bush.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 380 - Why I clap my Hands in Belgium #Corona2020

In Belgium, every evening at 20:00 PM, people all over Belgium open the window of their houses and their appartments and start clapping their hands. Every evening, when I start to hear the first sounds of clapping at 19:59 PM, I wonder whether today I will join the clapping, and so far I have joined every evening that I could. I stop what I am doing and I go stand on my balcony and I start clapping my hands loudly, along with all the other people in the neighborhood.

It started as a movement of solidarity with the 'nurses' and the personel in the hospitals and generally with all the 'workers' who are keeping up the economy and to 'recognize' what they do and stand as - when most people are required to stay home by the government.

While there exist many different 'opinions' regarding the question if the measures imposed by our goverment are the best possible measures, I do not stand on my balcony and clap my hands because I believe our government is infallible. I decided within myself that clapping my hands is an act of respect and and a statement of our communion as human beings ´- that every day we recognize that despite being in our houses most of the time we are not 'alone'. Within this I also state that I am willing to place my trust in a group and that we have now made a decision to stand together in this and we will walk as a group and there is no way back.

It is also a nice way of 'getting out of our minds' and connect 'physically' with everyone through something that is equally available to all: clapping your hands. You literally move out of your 'individuality' and walk into a group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my individuality if and when I join the clapping - instead of realising that if I can lose my individuality to easily, then my individuality is simply not real.

I realise and understand that despite joining and being part of a larger group I remain 'reponsible' for me, for my expression, for my participation, in every moment of breath.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 379 - Forget about the Reasons Why

Forget about the 'reasons why' we are in confinement for a moment and simply take it 'as is': many of us are spending the majority of their time at home and the world seems to be 'standing still'. This 'standing still' of the world can be seen as a moment of 'pauze', as a moment between an in-breath, and an out-breath.

Many of us are actually 'calming down' through the experience of being able to be home more often. Those of us who are in such an experience, can start to see a 'potential' for themselves, for others, for 'society', for 'life' - that is not so easily noticed when the world is operating in a 'rush'.

This 'pauze' that we are experiencing should therefore be carried within ourselves and even after the measures slowly dissolve. We are getting a glimpse of what is possible as an existence on earth. One where nature also gets to breathe and stretch her leggs. It is interesting how much panic has been created in regards to the virus, when the impact of the human species on nature and on the animal kingdom on a daily basis, is much more profound.

The virus is perhaps here to remind us that we are not the 'Masters' of this world, but that we are simply one among the billions of other HOSTS as plants and animal species in and of this world, nothing more and nothing less.

(to be continued...)

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 378 - Remaining calm as a situation escalates

In one of my former jobs, one day a conflict with screaming and lots of emotion emerged on the workfloor. At first there was tension as two colleges were starting to exchange words and one could feel the tension escalating between the two of them. Then a third person got involved and when he got involved he eventually lost his temper and him and one other person stood literally screaming on the top of their lungs on the workfloor.  Me, and I am sure many others who were present, had never witnessed anything like this before.

I was sitting 2 meters away from them as this unfolded and accross from me sat a younger college who was trying to stay focussed on her work. As this unfolded and the screaming started, I knew within myself that it was my job and my responsibility to focus on my breathing and to remain stable, calm and to stop any and all fear and panic that I was experiencing as the two other people were allowing themselves to become hectic.

In a way I was not in a position to 'stand up' and intervene. That was not my place nor was it my point of power in this particular situation. I did not even have words coming up within me that could be of any benefit in that given situation. I was pretty certain that intervening would only create more emotions and chaos. There was also a 'risk' because one of the people screaming was simply my boss.

Therefore I continued to focus on my breathing and simply staying focussed on my screen, even though I was not able within myself to 'pretend' that nothing was going on and actually get my work done. None the less I made it so that my presence would be that of someone who is not affected by what is going on. I held myself and my body stable and simply breathe. This went on for quite some time.

After the emotional storm had passed, there was a moment where I questioned myself and whether I should not have stepped in and 'said something'. But what remained was the stability within my silence and I felt like I had 'no insight'. Afterwards the young college who sat accross from me stood up and said she was so gratefull that I had been there because I stayed so calm. This is where I realised that in certain cases we do not assist and support people by 'doing great things' but simply by standing firm within our principle of remaining stable and calm no matter what happens.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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