Day 375 - No Ready Perspective

It has often happened that my partner would come to me with a problem that she is facing and she would ask me for perspective. In the past I would often 'freeze' inside because I did not see myself as capable to offer an informed perspective that would actually support her. I thought I did not have enough experience in regards to what she was facing. But what I realised is that I cannot hide behind this excuse. I am responsible and I have the ability to speak. Often times what was required was not that I have 'the answer' in an absolute sense or even a 'ready perspective' - but simply that I stand with my partner in looking at the point she is facing. Because then whatever I say will set something 'in motion' that will assist my partner in shifting her perspective and then a further perspective can come either from herself or from me.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 368 - Learn to Smile without Guilt

I remember when I was in South Africa in 2009 and Bernard said to me:  “You have to learn to smile without feeling guilty.“

As always I could not immeditaley grasp the full extent of what he was saying. I reflected on his words and realised that I indeed did not feel comfortable smiling – and that I saw smiling as a way of ‚selling out‘. Because (my belief was that) I was not ‚being true to myself‘. Because ‚why do I have to smile‘?

This goes hand in hand with the apprehension I had towards the system in general and the world of money in particular. Because in the world of money, everything was about ‚smiling‘ and keeping up a ‚positive image‘.

So, why should I ‚smile‘ ?

Later on when I would be working at a job back in my country – I started to realise the meaning of what he said. In essence, smiling was neither positive nor negative. Smiling was simply a way of expressing myself by using my face. Now what I found is that the more I would practice smiling, the more I would start enjoying it.  Meaning, I would be able to put on a big smile at will, and within that actually enjoy myself. I remember one day we had to participate in a photo shoot for work because marketing needed our profile pictures and people generaly appreciated my photo because it was astounding how much I was enjoying myself on the picture.

There was no more uncomfortableness, no more ‚guilt‘.

This is also a point of walking through “morality“ regarding the rules I had imposed on myself in orther to be an “authentic person.“ I found that when I smile, the expression of me enjoying myself was authentic. It was not fabricated. Within me smiling was my genuine expression. This is also a statement that I am cool with enjoying myself – that I am ok with me having fun. There was nothing to hide and nothing to pretend.

Since then, I have continued to play with my ability to smile and used it as much as I could with people in my world. I found that when I allow myself to smile in this way people will be much more open with me and much more willing to share themselves with me. Therefore, smiling is also a way of opening yourself up to the world and stepping out of isolation.  

This is therefore a nice way of applying a ‚behavioral correction‘ within yourself and your world as support for an ‚internal correction‘.  

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 348 - No Direct Benefit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience stress over having to help my partner with a problem that I experience as being futile and a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience so much resistance with assisting and helping my partner with directing points that require my assistance – so much so that I will tell myself that she can solve them by herself and is just wasting my time – even though in common sense I can see this is not the case and my help is really required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw a tantrum when my help is required in something that I did not expect, that I will experience as unexpected and as ‘not my responsibility’ and I will ‘wish that I did not have to do this’ and experience it as a ‘sin’ that I need to now do this instead of doing that which I had planned for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freak out with having to help my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push my partner away within ‘not feeling like’ assisting her and supporting her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined these moments where I help and support my partner as a ‘loss’ when I perceive that there is ‘nothing in it for me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get obsessed with ‘my viewpoint’ of ‘losing out’ – instead of actually seeing the situation of the other and realizing that she needs my help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be greedy with my time because of only wanting to spend it in a way where there is ‘direct or indirect reward’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-obsessed within not seeing the needs and requirements of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make ‘others’ part of my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move within self-interest of wanting to win something from the things I do as a payment or reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I need to ‘protect myself’ from the ‘irrational demands and requirements’ of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trapped within helping someone else – where they are satisfied about their stuff moving forward but me being dissatisfied with my stuff not having moved forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to assist and support another out of jealousy that they will move forward with their stuff more than I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will DIMINISH if I help someone else without me experiencing any direct benefit from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I should always try and stay ahead of others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to the other who is asking for my help – so as to stand in a relationship of supporting them and within that supporting myself, no matter who the other person is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to discriminate between who I will help and ‘when I feel like it’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to help when it is convenient for me too.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the world does not work according to what is convenient for me – as I share this world with billions of other beings who live their lives – hence the world is inherently unpredictable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unpredictability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within unpredictability I will not know what to do or who to be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain comfortable with me no matter what new situation I find myself within.

When and as I see myself getting anxious over being asked to help – I stop and breathe and ‘let go’ of whatever I had planned for myself and which I judge as ‘more important’ than what the other person is asking my help for – and accept within myself that this is equally important and of equal value, as within supporting the other I also support myself.

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Day 347 - Laziness exposed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as ‘laziness’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into little resistances as laziness to prevent myself from applying myself in the most optimum way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used laziness as an anger reaction towards my parents – where I can force things to go ‘my way’ and as a way to slow things down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take shortcuts as laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy in my relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have been willing to change myself within and as the point of laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined and created myself as laziness as ‘who I am’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘hide’ behind laziness.

I commit myself to push myself in small moments of resistance and to actually Act in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created myself as ‘laziness’ as a way to ‘rebel’ against my parents, as a way to ‘not give them what they want’ which is me actually doing my best and giving it my all – instead of realizing and understanding that me giving my all – is the greatest gift I can give myself and has got nothing to do with what anyone ‘wants’.

I commit myself to walk out of laziness and live my maximum potential as self-movement and self-dedication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  always leave something unfinished ‘as if I forgot it’ instead of realizing and understanding it is actually a point of spitefulness and laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made myself lazy as a point of spitefulness against my parents and against life. 

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