Day 405 - Quo Vadis?

Quo Vadis?

Dear covid, I sense you are here with me. A metallic taste in my mouth, is that your signature? A strange flu hat seems to last for weeks…

You ask me where am I going? For a moment, I have no answer, I have no garantee. I have only my hands, my eyes, my inner…. Waiting…. For myself?

Ah, are you the One who visits those who wait for themselves?

You do assist me, Oh great Master. You slow me down and break all mirrors. A moment of aloneness is all it takes – as all as one as equal.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online writing and self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Easy Rider (1969) Movie Review

I had seen Easy Rider about 20 years ago for the first time. I remember being impressed with the film and recently for some reason I wanted to watch the film again.

What I mostly remembered from last time was the tragic ending and the shots of the landscapes and the motorcycles. The story is about 2 men, Wyatt and Billy, riding their motorcycle and living a lifestyle of cruising around the Southern part of the United States. What struck me this time was that the story begins with the men successfully closing a big drugs deal. I had completely forgotten that part. They purchase a large quantity of cocaine in Latin America and then resell that at a much higher price to a buyer in the States. Within successfully striking this deal they have apparently won their freedom because now they have enough money to live their cruising lifestyle for many years to come.

I thought this was an interesting twist at the beginning of the film, because in a way the movie is all about having the courage to be free and live a lifestyle that is substantially different from the norms of society, but in reality there is no actual solution offered in regards to ‘how’ to be free, because indeed the main problem is that one need income in order to live. Hence, one way to look at the beginning of the film is that they successfully bought their freedom, but another way to look at it is that they actually sold their integrity and did not actually create a real point of freedom that one can learn from. 

I did enjoy the spirit of the film I must say and the sense of adventure of just cruising and Wyatt and Billy just going where they feel like and enjoying their bikes. There is an actual point of openness and peacefulness within the film. It is basically approaching life as an experiment, which is what it should be and not something that is set in stone through laws, traditions and customs.

So, the question then remains – how to be an Easy Rider? Do you have to close a drugs deal or win the lottery? Because, despite all the creativity underpinning this film, the answer to that question was not very creative. I would say, based on my personal experience, that being an Easy Rider is based not on having won some kind of lottery, but on who you are as a person. And here an ‘Easy Rider’ is not to be taken literally as is depicted in the film, but in a metaphorical sense. Because one ingredient that made the film very compelling is Wyatt’s attitude towards life. Had he not been as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’, ‘grounded’, ‘open’ and ‘caring’ throughout the story, then the film would not have been such a success.  In a way he was like a Siddhartha on a motorcycle.

So back to the question how to practically be an Easy Rider in this world? I would say that one Key is to walk with a certain ‘detachment’ in this world. It does not matter then whether you have a motorcycle or not, or whether you have a lot of money or not, or even on what kind of job you have. To walk with a certain ‘detachment’ would mean that you have a rather ‘practical’ relationship with the things in your world without being ‘consumed’ by the things that you require to be able to operate and function. Most people will require a job or have to be self-employed in order to have any form of stability in their lives, hence being ‘detached’ within that would mean that you express yourself within your job in a manner that honours your best potential, but nonetheless you would not allow your job to define ‘who you are’. You have a practical relationship with it. You can then also have a practical relationship with money. You know that you need it, but you don’t have to be consumed by it.

But wasn’t Easy Rider also about being adventurous and bold in life? Yes, I would say so. I personally have started experiencing adventurousness and boldness when I started traveling in recent years. In the past I thought traveling to be an unnecessary ‘luxury’. And with ‘traveling’ here I mean really going somewhere for the sake of exploring a new place and experiencing things that I have not seen or experienced before. What I like about this kind of traveling is that my relationship with people changes – they are not ‘there’ as part of the wallpaper, but actual people I can interact with, hang out with and learn from. I would say that my relationship with people in general has changed. I used to be very rigid and keeping people at bay, whereas now I more easily let someone into my world and my reality. For me that is being adventurous, because in moments I have to trust myself that it is ok to place my trust in this or that person for a moment. I am sure there are many other ways of living the word ‘adventurousness’ – if you feel like sharing your own examples why not leave a comment?

Thank you for reading. 

Day 404 - On Brainwashing, War and Propaganda

When looking at the organisation of our societies, it is rather astonishing that a political minority has the ability and the power to decide that a country should go to war. Most citizens do not necessarily see the added value or even the gain within engaging in a war, yet the decision is able to be made anyway. How is this possible?

Should the leadership of a country not aspire to do what is best for the country and for its citizens? One could say: ah, but the citizens fear the leadership, they fear the government and hence they keep quiet within fear of survival.

How is it then, that the governments of our world obtained so much power that the will of the people has in many cases become irrelevant? Look at the U.S:A, look at China, look at Russia – but also look at the European Union, where structures of power have been created that are operating outside of the realm of public debate.

I would say that the novel “1984” by George Orwell is a relevant book to read, because it explains how in the future (our present time) the minds of men would be controlled through the control of information.

I have noticed how in recent years the emphasis on ‘survival’ has become stronger in the world again. Survival seems to give the perfect pretext for everyone to become passive and just let everything unfold in the world as if it happens entirely outside of our will or power. But I say that the governments only have the power to command armies and go to war, because we have abdicated our own directive will and power within this world. If I accept myself to be ‘powerless’ in my life and in the world – I will most likely accept whatever comes my way and I will simply try to ‘survive’. And this is what the world is currently doing. Just trying to ‘survive’. That is so sad…

The problem is that the average person cannot conceive of ‘solutions’ other than ‘I have to go protest in the street’ or ‘I have to go risk my life to sabotage my government’. This is because our entertainment industry has taught us to see the world in a completely polarised way of good versus evil. What if the solution is not to try and be a hero, but instead to start a process of self-introspection and actually address your own brainwashing at the source? Because one thing is clear: we are accepting the world as it currently is because of our own accepted beliefs about ourselves, about human nature and life in general. Who is to blame for this conditioning? Our schools? The media? Our parents? Our great-grand parents? Or their forefathers?

It should be clear that the only solution is to take responsibility for ourselves and for this world as if it was our own creation. This implies that we are responsible for our own conditioning and even our brainwashing. Armies are able to march into war because of: brainwashing. Citizens are able to accept the government narratives of what is really going on in this world, because of: brainwashing. We accept that mass poverty must exist amidst an abundance of resources in this world because of: brainwashing.

At Desteni we say that one’s brainwashing can actually be addressed. In other words: it is possible to walk back through your life and take responsibility for every single moment of ‘diminishment’ that you have accepted within yourself. The way to do this is through a process of self-forgiveness.

Here are some examples:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am separate from this world and that as an individual in this world ‘I am powerless’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by what is happening in this world and in the lives of others – hence I try to pretend it simply does not exist because maybe then it will go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that politicians and governments are to blame for what is happening in this world – instead of realising that politicians only have power by virtue of the accepted belief that citizens are ignorant and greedy and need to be governed and controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide within conformity and survival – because then maybe I am no longer responsible?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the world as something separate from me instead of realising that what is happening in the world outside of me is reflective of what is happening in my inner world of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with fear and survival regarding the state of the world – instead of addressing who I am within my thoughts, words and deeds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abdicated responsibility from myself and who I have become in this world – by placing blame and responsibility within institutions and people outside of me.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online writing and self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Buzz Lightyear (2022): Movie Review

We went to see the Buzz Lightyear movie yesterday and I actually liked it quite a bit. I thought the story was developing in a non-predictable manner and the problems and challenges being faced by the protagonists were quite interesting and unexpected. For me the theme that stood out was the theme of ‘Failure’ and ‘shame within making mistakes’.

These are topics that are close to my heart because I have walked such points in my life many times and I know how tough it can be to stand up from making mistakes, sometimes even with really detrimental outcomes, and to then stand up from that and continue finding a reason and purpose to live. I mean that is what some people are actually facing in reality – not only ‘challenges’ as it is being called, but mistakes and outcomes that make you question your very existence.

I found that when I had arrived in such a point in my life, the only way to move foward was to drop all expectations about myself and my life and to communicate with the people in my life. Start including everyone in my life and reality and see where I can be of support, and most importantly: where it is that I need assistance and support. That is how you create yourself anew.

It is as though Buzz Lightyear cannot forgive himself. He has to be ‘the one’ that is going to ‘save everyone’ to fix the situation. Except that the more he tries to ‘save everyone’ the more it leads to more consequences. What comes through is that his unwillingmess to forgive himself and his stubbornness to be a saviour actually reveals a superiority belief – where ‘only he’ is able to succeed alone by himself. Except that ‘alone’ he appears to be going nowhere…

In an interesting scene where he and his companions are stuck together in a time-sensitive trap, he still approaches the situation from the vantage point of having to save everyone. At this point someone in his team actually says that they don’t need him to save them, they need him to work together with them. And indeed, by being humble to the reality of the situation and realising that he needs to give up his specialness and simply work together, he and his companions form a team that is one unit of combined strengths which succeeds to break out of the trap.

I thought that was really interesting: because I have often also found that when working in a team, I have to stop myself from making assumptions and actually need to slow down and communicate with everyone before I can act – and when I do eventually act my actions actually represent the team-effort and not simply my individual will.

This is the lesson of Buzz Lightyear: a process from superiority to humility and actual real care for his fellow companions as equals. Perhaps that is also the way forward for humanity and all of us who feel we have ‘failed’ and made ‘unrepairable mistakes’: don’t take yourself so seriously and include others into your life.

Day 402 - Communication and Agreement

I recently finished my last bachelor exam and as I was walking back to the train station, I wanted to buy a waffle. Arriving at the kiosk, I decided against the waffle and went for a hot chocolate instead. 

When I stood on the platform, waiting for my train, I had the impression that my hot chololate did not have any taste at all. It was as if I was drinking a cup of hot water. I got annoyed and I felt cheated, because the drink was not cheap. For that price I should get an actual hot chocolate, and not 'hot water'... 

Although my first thought was to go back and talk to the Kiosk lady, I started to dismiss the idea, telling myself that it will take too long (my train would arrive in 10 minutes) and also I did not want to be "one of those people that complain". When I stopped myself from participating in these thoughts, I realised that there was still enough time before the train would arrive and that consquently I had no excuse to not at least try. 

I left the platform climbing the stairs and walked back to the kiosk. Again I had a thought of discouragement when I saw the amount of people standing in line at the kiosk. I proceeded anyway, and in doing so it appeared that only one person was actually standing in line, while the rest stood there waiting for someone else. 

When I got to speak to the kiosk lady, I made sure that I was calm and friendly. I said that I was sorry but that when I drank from the hot chocolate it simply tasted like hot water. She was like: "Oh really? Well let me make you another one then!" She made a new one from the machine, but I said to her that it still had no taste... After some back and forth communication, and her making sure that her machine was working properly, she decided to manually add extra cacao powder to the hot milk (yes, it was actual milk, not water) and this time it did taste like hot chocolate. 

I was happy that she went through the effort to fix the drink. For some reason had I expected that she would be stingy about the whole issue and that the conversation would be not so pleasant at all - but this proved to be entirely unfounded. She was very mature about the whole thing and vey accomodating. 

Afterwads I was happy that I had made the step to communicate, instead of simply accepting the experience of feeling 'cheated'. This way I gave both myself and the lady the opportunity to give the best of ourselves, instead of blocking myself with assumptions and ending up being frustrated and resentful. 

It came down to it that the machine was not distributing sufficient cacao into the drink - and it was the first time someone actually said something about it to her. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online writing and self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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