Day 390 - On the nature of Assumptions

Today I write about this point that is very relevant to my process : assumptions and how I make assumptions within communication. When I wrote about this and I looked at the point at first glance it seemed like the assumption is made in an 'automatic' way and I then respond to the assumption - but that is not true. In reality I am already aware that I do not have all the facts but DESPITE that awareness I still decide to impose an assumption on the situation. In my case I will often assume a 'worst case' meaning onto what was said. Simply because I do not understand why someone said something - I will assume they had an underlying selfish reason. I insert my (secret) interpretation into the conversation and instead of working with what was said I start responding to my interpretation which is in a way a form of desperation. I am desperate, because I am too shit scared to simply ask for clarifications on what was said so as to help me understand and in fact stand equal to the person I am communicating with. Now, I fear inequality, because I am assuming that the other person cannot be trusted, and so to turn the tables in my favor I will now respond to that perceived injustice : there is no better way to make an ass out of yourself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am not clear why someone is saying something, immediatley assume that they are secretly trying to deceive me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made a habit out of following my assumptions which is a form of cowardice - rather than to check back with the person and clarify what it is they said. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the extent of the turmoil I am willing to create by allowing myself to act and speak on an assumption - instead of simply admitting that I do not know: I do not know what was said. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to communicate 'perfectly' so as to always be immediately clear to me - when in reality my own communication is not at that level at all and I m not even standing as an exemple of what I expect. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that by choosing for assumptions I am actually choosing for the probability of conflict and seperation.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself being unsure as to what was said, to simply be real about it and ask for clarifications. 

I commit myself to be sensitive to the energy that I experience when I want to make an assumption and I take a breath. I breathe and I check myself and I check with the person: ok what do you mean by that? 

I commit myself to practice my communication and be vulnerable with myself and the other in being open about what it is I understood and if this is correct? 

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