Day 355 - Remembering an EQAFE Interview

It has been a while that I have been wanting to share this experience I had with an EQAFE interview, yet have been unable to, due to many changes in my life that are now slowly coming to an end.

One day I was sitting with my partner. I had come to sit with her because she was dealing with a point. This point in question was a point she had been bringing up more than once, and in the back of my mind there was already a judgment about 'not this point again'.

As she was speaking her concerns and her considerations, which were initially the same as I had heard previously (so I told myself) – I started to feel a pressure within myself to ‘intervene‘  and ask her to ‘calm down‘ and telling her that she was being ‘emotional‘. Within her words there was a certain agitation based on the unresolvedness of this conflcit and I could feel that she felt ’stuck‘ with this point.

Normally I would have given in to the temptation to start ’interrupting‘ and ‘speaking‘ under the pretext of ’supporting the person‘ (but in reality only as an attempt to control her as a way to stop my own un-ease with the situation) – yet in that moment a message from an EQAFE interview came up within me, I recalled it and saw how I could use it in this moment.

The EQAFE interview (I do not recall the name of it) was about that we sometimes need to be patient when dealing with our own mind. In the interview an example was given of a child trowing a tantrum and how one cannot simply expect the child to stop ‚in one moment‘ but that it may be required for the child to `act out the energies and the tantrum before he can start to stabilize himself again‘ – in other words: sometimes it is required to let the energies simply run out. In the interview it was then suggested that we take a similar approach with ourselves, when finding ourselves in an energetic or emotional state: it may be required for us to run out the energies first before we can start to create stability and clarity within ourselves again.

Back to the situation with my partner: Without me basically saying or doing anything – but simply by remaining quiet and letting my partner speak - , she eventually regained stability within herself which I could hear in her words as she was continuing to speak. Not only did she regain stability within herself but she was even able to move further than that and ended up formulating a solution to the inner conflict – without me contributing even a single word. As this happened I realised what I had done in the previous instances and how I had actually prevented the person from resolving her issue. I had actually misunderstood my role: my role was not to ’try and help‘ the person but to simply ’let her be‘ and ’give her the space and time‘ to develop her own insight. I had to sctually stand back and let her speak to me. That was my role.

For more information about EQAFE interviews, please visit: https://eqafe.com 

Day 354 - Self-directive statements -- Jobsearch

These are the self-directive statements I wrote today to support me with clarity and stability: 

I commit myself to using common sense within my jobsearch and not allow fear and panic to direct me.

I commit myself to consider potential offerings with common sense.

I commit myself to use patience and breathing while exploring job opportunities.

I commit myself to do what is best for all within accepting or not accepting a job offering.

I commit myself to be realistic within my decision to accept or not accept a job offering. 

For more information about self-supportive writing, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 353 - Additional Driving Lessons

Today I took an extra driving class because often times I do not feel comfortable driving in a big city.  I was mainly aware of a general feeling of anxiety when driving – not feeling at ease, always being on edge. What came through in the driving class is that I use the clutch way too often. This is interesting because the driving instructor explained that by doing so I am creating a lot of extra work while driving, which causes me to have the impression that it is too much to handle – but that is because I am making things complicated. He showed me by example that in most cases you do not need the clutch at all in the city. To demonstrate this he took the driver seat and then placed his left foot all the way on top of the dashboard, next to the steering wheel. Now he only had his right foot to operate 1 pedal, namely the breaks – and no foot to operate the clutch. In this manner he drove me for about 10 minutes though several streets with considerable amounts of traffic and I could see that what he was saying was actually so. He had full control over the car and only had to take his foot down once when he was forced to bring the car to a total halt. This was quite an eye-opener for me.  

I particularly appreciated the support given by this person because in a way he made a ‘diagnostic’ first. First he let me drive and simply observed me – then he asked me to park somewhere to start (re)teaching me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive with fear – which is partly caused by me missing information. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been too proud to seek support – not being self-honest about how I experience myself while driving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not deserve to make this investment in myself - thinking that I have a license already anyways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support ‘when it costs money’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support when I see a point is not improving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be arrogant and think I have ‘forever’ instead of making effective use of my time which starts by being humble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started to use the clutch systematically out of fear that I have no control over the car.

I commit myself to becoming comfortable with using the breaks without using the clutch. 

I commit myself to further support myself with these driving lessons and to change my drivingpattern so that I can become an effective driver in the city and in all circumstances.

For more information about writing and self-forgiveness, visit http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 352 - Standing up from self-inferiority

Today I would like to speak about a moment where I faced great difficulty, yet where I was able to stand up within the challenge. I did this by using the tools I had learned at Desteni, by asserting myself with breathing and grounding myself physically.

Early on in my professional career I was faced with corporate hierarchies and I had to report to the managers above me. My job was salesman and I had to deliver numbers. At a certain point in time, I got a new manager and I had to learn to deal with him as a person. Due to the organisation in the company I had previously very much been left alone to deliver my results in the way that I saw fit. When the new manager was appointed, I started to experience increased levels of anxiety, as he was pressuring me to improve my output.

In general I would listen to him and value his feedback, but I also noticed that he would place expectations on me that I was seeing I would not realistically be able to fulfill. This was causing stress in me and actually creating an experience where I started to dislike my job.

Then, one day, we had a ‘quick meeting‘, standing face to face in a meetingroom. We were talking about the numbers and he brought up this point of me having to sell 20 contracts in the coming month. I knew that in the past I was able to sell 15 contracts at best, and on average I would sell 10 contracts. In that moment I was very clear that 20 contracts would not be realistic to commit to. So when he brought up the point of the 20 contracts, looking me intensely in the eyes, I focussed on remaining calm and I said in a very calm and allmost nonchalant way: Ok, I’ll do my best.

I could see that he was not happy with my answer and he leaned forward and said: „What ?!!“

At this point I became very anxious. At the same time I realised that I could not show my anxiety and that I had to take responsibility for this situation. I could feel how within my body I was trembling with fear as I was moving myself to speak. While I spoke I made sure that on the outside I remained calm and collected. Here I applied breathing and using my body to ground myself. I said to him that there were circumstances to take into consideration why the 20 contracts may not happen (in a nutshell). A few seconds later in the conversation the tension completely relaxed itself and we were having a comfortable conversation.  

This is how I was able to prove to myself that through changing the relationship with myself, I could change my relationships with others.

For more information on self-forgiveness, breathing and self-change, visit desteni and EQAFE

Day 351 - What is the Most Important thing in Life ?

When I looked at this question, the first thing that came up was: breathing. Yet, when looking further at my life and the rhythm of my life, I find that another point is equally important, which is the word ‘home’.

Day in and day out, I leave my home and I return to my home. Meaning the physical place ‘where I live’, the ‘building’. (So the movement of leaving home and coming home resembles the movement of breathing in and breathing out after all)

Ever since I was a child, I have always had a home. There was always this place in this world, where I could go to, return to, come home to. This has been key in my life. Today my home is somewhere else, but it is still ‘my home’. This ‘home’ gives me so much stability throughout my life – I would not be who I was today, had I not had a home.

Within this I realise, that every human being in this world, deserves a home, that place of stability, a place of safety.

Yet for many people in this world, a home is not a given. Why?

Is it perhaps because there are not enough ‘homes’ in the world? We all know, that this is not true... there are more than enough housing opportunities for everyone in the world. A stable life for every person.

The ‘materials’ and the ‘infrastructure’ to create Heaven on earth is here, humans. It is time to stop the past and create the New.

Research Desteni and Earth Haven and get involved.

Day 350 - Waiting for Change instead of consistent Self-Movement

I see/ realise and acknowledge that a degradation has been going on of ‘me’ and my application within my life and my process. This degradation I have calmly hidden behind the belief that my life is hectic and that ‘I have no time’.

I hereby stop this belief and declare it non-valid.

I see that this degradation is and has been affecting all my relationships in my life and mostly puts me in a spot of ‘waiting’ for change to come and change to happen to me – like a salvation. I have thus become like the Christian who waits for salvation.

There is some insight here and there – but then I PLUNGE again within acts of deliberate spitefulness right back into the systematic life and living – right back into the ego and the mind. Just enough to fool myself with the belief ‘that I am still doing something’, ‘at least I am still doing my best’. In reality I am not doing my best at all and I have given up.

There needs to be a consistent movement of self as: self-application, self-breathing, self-writing, self-sharing, self-changing and self-expanding.

When none of this is happening then self will shrink in the mind.

I commit myself to daily:

Self-application

Self-breathing

Self-writing

Self-sharing

Self-changing

Self-expanding

and will daily challenge myself on these points: am I actually living these words or am I simply creating a BELIEF about myself ?

For more information on writing and self-change, visit www.eqafe.com

Day 349 - Replacing the Driver

In April I was in Spain with my parents to spend a small week with them. On one of our trips my dad who was driving the car was not feeling well, and and that point I wanted to suggest that I should drive. When him not feeling well continued I said that I should drive and my mother asked to pull over so we could switch.

At this point I was not 100 % sure that I would be able to drive this car very well because I only have been driving for 2 years plus I seldom drive during the week. Another dimension which caused slight apprehension was that I would be driving the car with 5 people (me included) which I had never done before.

However, once I started the car all seemed to go well and a few minites later we were back on the motorway continuing our trajectory.

This was an interesting experience for me because it allowed me to assess a situation and what I could contribute to the situation even though within myself I did not feel 100% confident. But because I took the step (others could have taken over the driving as well instead of me) it allowed me to expand myself in the point of driving and gain trust within myself.

What I also realised is that when I take responsibility in a point then others will become supportive. For instance when I took the wheel my dad took the seat next to me and now and then would give me little pointers or ask me to slow down as the car was on the large side and not very powerful. This was a nice form of collaboration and I appreciated my dad and the gentleness of his support.

This was a cool instance for me of 'seeing an opportunity' and 'seizing the opportunity', where sometimes we simply have to move through a fear in an unexpected moment and then all we can do is be self-honest and take the leap.

*****
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*****

Day 348 - No Direct Benefit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience stress over having to help my partner with a problem that I experience as being futile and a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience so much resistance with assisting and helping my partner with directing points that require my assistance – so much so that I will tell myself that she can solve them by herself and is just wasting my time – even though in common sense I can see this is not the case and my help is really required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw a tantrum when my help is required in something that I did not expect, that I will experience as unexpected and as ‘not my responsibility’ and I will ‘wish that I did not have to do this’ and experience it as a ‘sin’ that I need to now do this instead of doing that which I had planned for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freak out with having to help my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push my partner away within ‘not feeling like’ assisting her and supporting her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined these moments where I help and support my partner as a ‘loss’ when I perceive that there is ‘nothing in it for me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get obsessed with ‘my viewpoint’ of ‘losing out’ – instead of actually seeing the situation of the other and realizing that she needs my help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be greedy with my time because of only wanting to spend it in a way where there is ‘direct or indirect reward’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-obsessed within not seeing the needs and requirements of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make ‘others’ part of my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move within self-interest of wanting to win something from the things I do as a payment or reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I need to ‘protect myself’ from the ‘irrational demands and requirements’ of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trapped within helping someone else – where they are satisfied about their stuff moving forward but me being dissatisfied with my stuff not having moved forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to assist and support another out of jealousy that they will move forward with their stuff more than I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will DIMINISH if I help someone else without me experiencing any direct benefit from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I should always try and stay ahead of others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to the other who is asking for my help – so as to stand in a relationship of supporting them and within that supporting myself, no matter who the other person is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to discriminate between who I will help and ‘when I feel like it’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to help when it is convenient for me too.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the world does not work according to what is convenient for me – as I share this world with billions of other beings who live their lives – hence the world is inherently unpredictable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unpredictability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within unpredictability I will not know what to do or who to be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain comfortable with me no matter what new situation I find myself within.

When and as I see myself getting anxious over being asked to help – I stop and breathe and ‘let go’ of whatever I had planned for myself and which I judge as ‘more important’ than what the other person is asking my help for – and accept within myself that this is equally important and of equal value, as within supporting the other I also support myself.

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Visit desteni.org for more information on writing and self-forgiveness.

Day 347 - Laziness exposed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as ‘laziness’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into little resistances as laziness to prevent myself from applying myself in the most optimum way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used laziness as an anger reaction towards my parents – where I can force things to go ‘my way’ and as a way to slow things down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take shortcuts as laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy in my relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have been willing to change myself within and as the point of laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined and created myself as laziness as ‘who I am’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘hide’ behind laziness.

I commit myself to push myself in small moments of resistance and to actually Act in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created myself as ‘laziness’ as a way to ‘rebel’ against my parents, as a way to ‘not give them what they want’ which is me actually doing my best and giving it my all – instead of realizing and understanding that me giving my all – is the greatest gift I can give myself and has got nothing to do with what anyone ‘wants’.

I commit myself to walk out of laziness and live my maximum potential as self-movement and self-dedication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  always leave something unfinished ‘as if I forgot it’ instead of realizing and understanding it is actually a point of spitefulness and laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made myself lazy as a point of spitefulness against my parents and against life. 

Test the DIP Lite course for Free and discover the power of Self-Forgiveness.
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Dag 346 - Pijn en Kwaadheid

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd kwaadheid gebruiken in momenten dat ik iets zou kunnen bijleren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd kwaadheid gebruiken om de ander pijn te doen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd kwaadheid gebruiken om de ander pijn te doen zodat ik mijn eigen pijn niet moet voelen en kan verstoppen.

Ik laat mezelf toe om te ademen in het moment van pijn en de pijn te laten passeren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd de kwaadheid gebruiken als een afleidingsmechanisme van mezelf.

Ik realiseer me en begrijp dat ik in kwaadheid een punt verstop voor mezelf en dus laat ik mezelf toe om kwaaheid te gebruiken als een spiegel van mezelf.

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Voor meer informatie over zelf-vergeving, zie: http://www.desteni.org
Voor een kosteloze cursus met begeleiding, zie: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com