Day 353 - Additional Driving Lessons

Today I took an extra driving class because often times I do not feel comfortable driving in a big city.  I was mainly aware of a general feeling of anxiety when driving – not feeling at ease, always being on edge. What came through in the driving class is that I use the clutch way too often. This is interesting because the driving instructor explained that by doing so I am creating a lot of extra work while driving, which causes me to have the impression that it is too much to handle – but that is because I am making things complicated. He showed me by example that in most cases you do not need the clutch at all in the city. To demonstrate this he took the driver seat and then placed his left foot all the way on top of the dashboard, next to the steering wheel. Now he only had his right foot to operate 1 pedal, namely the breaks – and no foot to operate the clutch. In this manner he drove me for about 10 minutes though several streets with considerable amounts of traffic and I could see that what he was saying was actually so. He had full control over the car and only had to take his foot down once when he was forced to bring the car to a total halt. This was quite an eye-opener for me.  

I particularly appreciated the support given by this person because in a way he made a ‘diagnostic’ first. First he let me drive and simply observed me – then he asked me to park somewhere to start (re)teaching me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive with fear – which is partly caused by me missing information. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been too proud to seek support – not being self-honest about how I experience myself while driving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not deserve to make this investment in myself - thinking that I have a license already anyways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support ‘when it costs money’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seek support when I see a point is not improving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be arrogant and think I have ‘forever’ instead of making effective use of my time which starts by being humble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started to use the clutch systematically out of fear that I have no control over the car.

I commit myself to becoming comfortable with using the breaks without using the clutch. 

I commit myself to further support myself with these driving lessons and to change my drivingpattern so that I can become an effective driver in the city and in all circumstances.

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Day 349 - Replacing the Driver

In April I was in Spain with my parents to spend a small week with them. On one of our trips my dad who was driving the car was not feeling well, and and that point I wanted to suggest that I should drive. When him not feeling well continued I said that I should drive and my mother asked to pull over so we could switch.

At this point I was not 100 % sure that I would be able to drive this car very well because I only have been driving for 2 years plus I seldom drive during the week. Another dimension which caused slight apprehension was that I would be driving the car with 5 people (me included) which I had never done before.

However, once I started the car all seemed to go well and a few minites later we were back on the motorway continuing our trajectory.

This was an interesting experience for me because it allowed me to assess a situation and what I could contribute to the situation even though within myself I did not feel 100% confident. But because I took the step (others could have taken over the driving as well instead of me) it allowed me to expand myself in the point of driving and gain trust within myself.

What I also realised is that when I take responsibility in a point then others will become supportive. For instance when I took the wheel my dad took the seat next to me and now and then would give me little pointers or ask me to slow down as the car was on the large side and not very powerful. This was a nice form of collaboration and I appreciated my dad and the gentleness of his support.

This was a cool instance for me of 'seeing an opportunity' and 'seizing the opportunity', where sometimes we simply have to move through a fear in an unexpected moment and then all we can do is be self-honest and take the leap.

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