Day 348 - No Direct Benefit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience stress over having to help my partner with a problem that I experience as being futile and a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience so much resistance with assisting and helping my partner with directing points that require my assistance – so much so that I will tell myself that she can solve them by herself and is just wasting my time – even though in common sense I can see this is not the case and my help is really required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw a tantrum when my help is required in something that I did not expect, that I will experience as unexpected and as ‘not my responsibility’ and I will ‘wish that I did not have to do this’ and experience it as a ‘sin’ that I need to now do this instead of doing that which I had planned for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freak out with having to help my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push my partner away within ‘not feeling like’ assisting her and supporting her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined these moments where I help and support my partner as a ‘loss’ when I perceive that there is ‘nothing in it for me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get obsessed with ‘my viewpoint’ of ‘losing out’ – instead of actually seeing the situation of the other and realizing that she needs my help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be greedy with my time because of only wanting to spend it in a way where there is ‘direct or indirect reward’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-obsessed within not seeing the needs and requirements of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make ‘others’ part of my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move within self-interest of wanting to win something from the things I do as a payment or reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I need to ‘protect myself’ from the ‘irrational demands and requirements’ of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trapped within helping someone else – where they are satisfied about their stuff moving forward but me being dissatisfied with my stuff not having moved forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to assist and support another out of jealousy that they will move forward with their stuff more than I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will DIMINISH if I help someone else without me experiencing any direct benefit from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I should always try and stay ahead of others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to the other who is asking for my help – so as to stand in a relationship of supporting them and within that supporting myself, no matter who the other person is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to discriminate between who I will help and ‘when I feel like it’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to help when it is convenient for me too.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the world does not work according to what is convenient for me – as I share this world with billions of other beings who live their lives – hence the world is inherently unpredictable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unpredictability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within unpredictability I will not know what to do or who to be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain comfortable with me no matter what new situation I find myself within.

When and as I see myself getting anxious over being asked to help – I stop and breathe and ‘let go’ of whatever I had planned for myself and which I judge as ‘more important’ than what the other person is asking my help for – and accept within myself that this is equally important and of equal value, as within supporting the other I also support myself.

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