Day 397 - On the Fear of RIDICULE

I recently re-watched an old episode from a Belgian satire series (called 'In de Gloria'), of which I had already seen all the episodes more than 10 years ago. What struck me this time around is one particular sketch that was presented as an 'interview' of a woman and her husband. The woman was going to her local church every Sunday and singing along with the choir, but the choir leader and the priest had 'stepped in' to have her remain silent during the singing because her singing was experienced as 'disruptive'. The interview starts out as being rather funny, but as the interview continued I realised there was also an 'innocent' element within the story.  

Upon her receiving the news that she was no longer allowed to sing, her husband went to buy a synthesizer in the store to help her with rythm. What is intended within the interview is for both the woman and her husband to be 'ridiculous', because of the way that they express themselves. Yet, one point I found interesting within the story/interview: which was that the husband was actually supporting his wife to deal with her problem. Meaning, he took equal ownership of the issue and they literally worked at it together because it was that important for his wife. So, what stood out for me is the quality of the collaboration between the man and the wife and how they stood as a team, even though their endevour might seem ridiculous to external observers. I actually found this last dimension to be completely irrelevant and actually besides the point.  

In reality what was being shown is how much a person can care for another person that they will walk a point like that together. Indeed, when the intent is pure, is does not matter what it looks like to external observers. Consequently, what the interview is actually revealing is that we will often not unconditionally support those that we care about because of the fear of ridicule. What does that say about us? 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Dag 396 - De Houthakker

Een houthakker leefde met zijn drie zonen

op een heuvel aan de rand van het bos.

Een stenen waterput, onderaan de heuvel,

voorzag hen van water,

maar stond deze zomer droog.

Op een dag speelden de zonen bij de waterput.

Ze klommen erin en wilden zien hoe diep de put was.

De oudste zoon hield zich vast aan een touw 

De twee anderen bengelden onder hem in het donker 

De knoop rond de boomwortel was sterk, 

maar de boomwortel was rot. Hij brak 

en de oudste zoon voelde dat niets hen nog tegenhield

Behalve de ijzersteke hand van vader 

rond zijn pols die hem plots omhoog trok.

"Ik had jullie gezegd niet in de put te klimmen.

De put wordt jullie dood.

Maar jullie willen bewijs, want mijn liefde is niet genoeg."

Toen greep vader de arm van de oudste zoon,

en brak hem als een tak. 

Hij zei:

"Een val in een diepe put, heeft je arm gebroken.

Je mag van geluk spreken, dat je nog leeft." 

Hij greep ook de voet van de jongste zoon,

en brak ook twee ribben van de laatste zoon. 

De drie zonen huilden.

"Dit is de dag van jullie neergang. Herinner je deze dag." 

Toen de zonen weer te been waren,

aan het einde van de zomer,

Slopen zij bij nachte naar buiten 

en staken het huis van de houthakker in de brand.

Het huis ging op in vlammen en de zonen vluchtten naar het bos.

De houthakker rolde door de deur naar buiten. 

Zijn rug en zijn haar stonden in vuur en vlam. 

Hij rolde van de heuvel omlaag 

tot hij alleen nog maar rookte en siste. 

Hij kon zijn ogen niet meer openen. 

De volgende morgen kwamen de buren hem helpen. 

De zonen gingen elk hun weg 

en beproefden hun geluk in de stad. 

Jaren gingen voorbij en de leegte 

in de zonen groeide. 

Op een dag liet de jongste zoon 

alles vallen en ging weer naar het bos.

Zo ook de tweede zoon, korte tijd later.

En zo ook de oudste zoon. 

Toen de oudste zoon eindelijk 

langs de waterput liep en de heuvel

omhoogklom, vond hij daar ook zijn broers. 

Hij sloeg de ogen neer en ging naar binnen. 

"Aha," zei de blinde houthakker. "Daar ben je."

De drie zonen die inmiddels binnen

verzameld waren, gingen rond de tafel zitten.

Vader zat bij het vuur en glimlachte. 

"Je broers hebben mijn dak hersteld 

en soep gemaakt. Neem een stuk brood."   

De zoon bleef stil en zijn hand beefde 

toen hij een stuk brood afbrak. 

De houthakker en zijn drie zonen aten.

De vader smakte, en de drie zonen snikten. 

"Lekkere soep," zei de houthakker. 

Day 395 - Beyond the Walls / Au Delà des Murs

Normally I am not attracted to 'horror' stories and films. I usually find it quite 'creepy' and not so enjoyable - but today I somehow felt compelled to watch the beginning of a series called "Au Delà des Murs" (Beyond the Walls), which was advertised as a horror-series. 

A Lady inherits an old house and starts to experience psychedelic episodes at night when she walks into non existing rooms and corridors throughout the house and encounters a half human, half animal creature. 

The moment when this creature enters the screen, is supposed to be a scary moment - but I did not find it scary. I saw the creature and it was simply another being standing in the room - no big deal. Then it started to move towards her. Well, maybe it wants to communiacte with her so no big deal. Then, she started to get scared, and she started to run. This is when I realised the people create their own nightmares through their 'judgments' because what was happenening was not 'evil' or 'abusive' in any shape or form. It was simply 'unusual'. But then interestingly the story spins off into some dramatic 'chase' where she needs to run and hide from 'creatures'. 

But why all the 'drama'? Did she not by her own doing choose to ASSUME some kind of fucked up narrative of what was going on instead of actually being vulnerable and investigate what is going on? I have no problems with 'weird creatures', 'weird people' and 'weird events'. When something is seemingly scary or absurd to you - does that automatically mean that you are in danger and that you must 'run'? 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Zelfvergeving voor Beginners: Rap Rijden is Plezant

Rap rijden is plezant

Amaai mijn vrienden zijn onder den indruk

Ik ben hier precies den held

Nog een bekke rapper rijden

Dan zien ze hoeveel ik durf

We gaan hier bijkans de lucht in

 

Ineens kwam die vos uit het bos

Ik kon niet meer stoppen  

en hij lag onder mijn wielen

Toen was het stil in den auto

Da was nie expres

Ik weet nie waarom ik da gedaan heb

Diene vos...

 

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd slim willen lijken voor mijn vrienden en opzettelijk domme dingen doen om te bewijzen dat ik durf

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd stoer willen zijn en daarom opzettelijk domme dingen doen zonder na te denken en te beseffen dat ik niet alleen ben op de wereld.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd verwachten dat de wereld voor mij genade kent, terwijl ik geen genade ken voor de wereld.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd indruk willen maken op mijn vrienden en daarom mijn leven en dat van andere in gevaar brengen.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mezelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd geen respect hebben voor anderen en voor het leven van een ander.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd in een moment bezeten te worden en alleen maar populair willen zijn en niet meer echt beseffen wat ik doe. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 393 - The Unspoken Law of the Jungle

If you look at the 'family-construct' as a social system, one would expect that it solves the problem of 'responsibility' and 'everyone being taken care of'. Because: ideally, every child is born within a family (of at least one parent) - and that is not even taking into account the amount of orphan children in this world. 

Then, because every child is ideally born within a family of at least one parent - there is an unspoken 'law of the jungle'  that every child is taken care of in this world, as the child stands under the protection and care of (at least) one adult. The 'family-construct' as a social system is then really presented as the basic foundation of society, without which children would be lost. Looking at the world superficially then, one would expect that most children in the world are taken care of as they are lodged within one or more 'family-constructs'. And, as was said, the unspoken law of the jungle dictates that since the child is in the care of a family, it is consequently 'taken care of'.

The unspoken law of the jungle does however not take into account the money-system and how it functions on a global scale. The underlying assumtion of the law of the jungle is that every family in the world will have the means to take care of a child appropriately. The only way to do that in today's world, is by having access to money. Without money, one cannot actually survive. Yet, more than half of all the human beings in todays world officially live under the poverty line. They do not have sufficient access to money and consequently they cannot actually give the care to the children that the children require. Hence roughly half the children in this world are in effect not adequately taken care of. 

Some years ago it was reported in South Africa that a pregnant woman had thrown herself off the stairs with the deliberate intent to permanently damage her unborn child, so as to later qualify for specific government support. This is the law of the jungle in full action, because it did not consider the global economic system. 

If we assume (law of the jungle) that children are to be taken care of within a family, then why would we restrict access to money for families? Why would we not want families to have guaranteed access to money so that they can adequately raise, support and take care of their children? When we resolve this contradiction, we will resolve the problem of poverty and then we will finally be able to say that families are the foundation of society, which currently they are not. 

Day 392 - A World where Growing Old is Embraced and Supported

This topic opened op when I was contemplating how some individuals do manage to grow quite old in this world. This struck me, because I somehow do not expect myself to get that old. And I wondered why? 

I then looked at the center point: which is that everyone fears ageing. But why do we fear it so much? Is it simply because we fear death? Maybe, but there seems to be quite a lot more to it. When I looked at it the answer was rather simple: it is that with ageing comes more insecurity. We basically do not expect that the world will be of much support when and as we grow old. That is quite rough.

As I write this I can sense a pain that is difficult to describe. 

In Europe a lot of this insecurity is tied in with the discourse being held by the governments: they already warn of the precarity of the future pensions. Make sure that somehow you have money to survive because if you do not... you need to provide for your own pension, your own plan B. This reminds me of the situation in Greece in 2014 (when the economy collapsed), when it was reported that an elderly man, when reading the amount of his montly pension allowance, walked down the river and hung himself from a tree. 

Where does 'change' begin? Does it begin on the streets? Does it begin in Parliament? Does it begin on Television? Does it begin in school? Where... what... how... 

It begins within self:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ageing as something that is 'undesireable' and 'ugly'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that we locked down the economy to apparently protect the elderly, but the truth is we do not care about the elderly as we will not even guarantee their right to exist and live a meaningfull life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simpy 'accept' that this is how we treat elderly, which means that this is how we are willing to treat ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that our society punishes the elderly - which is the reflection of a society hating itself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself and consequently accept that it is ok that I should fear for my own survival as an elderly - as if that somehow is what I actually deserved all along: to die like a rat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have no understanding of what it means to care for myself as life and to care for another as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prove myself unable to have a long term vision for humanity and for myself and for the existence of humanity in this world.

A World where Growing Old is Embraced and Supported. What would that look like? In the beginning was the Word. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 391 - A Practical Approach to Making Decisions

In the early years of my process I often made the mistake of using my feelings to make a decision. I would try to listen to what my body says and I would interpret that experience with my mind. If right after I made a decision I would suddenly experience a negative feeling such as fear, I might get swayed and think that I made a wrong decision.

In recent years I have learned to make decisions more effectively. First of all I do not use feelings to guide me. First of all I ask myself what it is that I want and I also look at what is realistically possible. This might involve having to do research and doing some math. Sometimes the research will show that the thing I would like is not lucrative and I will then already have my answer. Other times the research will show that it is possible and then it is really up to me.

What I have learned is that sometimes a decision will be rather clear and easy to make – and sometimes it is not so clear and not so easy to make, despite all the research I did. I will off course also talk to people if I am really unclear as to what to do to get a form of external feedback. But in the end the decision will remain up to me. Here is a practical tool that I have found to be useful when making decisions: usually a decision is only really made by taking a certain action. For instance, you make your decision known to someone, or you click on a button to confirm a deal, or you post a message on a platform. 

I found that in this moment, I am able to completely slow myself down. I take a deep breath and I remain silent inside. Then, I place my awareness in my whole body and I ask myself if I am cool with this or not. If I am cool with this, then I act. If I am not cool with this, then that means that there is perhaps something that I have not yet considered. This 'being cool' with the decision then immediately translates into a physical movement: it almost happens sumultaneously: I know that I am cool with it and consequently I am doing it. I act my decision. Sometimes there will still be 'fear' in this phase, but it is like I will sit with myself and 'hold myself' and see if I am able to 'push' myself softly to walk into that descision and then there will arrive a point where suddenly I am 'ready' - an inner movement and then I act. 

This then also gives me a solid foundation to later on not ‘question‘ a decision I made. Because I know that I have made that decision in ful awareness and deliberateness. Therefore it was a specific decision and I know I can stand by it. In other words, I can trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in moments still allow 'external' feedback to guide me in my decisions – such as 'coincidences' and 'synchronicities'.

I realise and understand that coincidences and syncronicities might occur due to the nature of the system that we exist in but I cannot limit myself nor define myself according to a coincidence or synchronicity – which means I am still seeking 'the guiding hand of God', instead of me accepting and embracing my own expression and responsibility as life and what i am willing to stand by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for outward signals in moments when I am still in doubt, where I abdicate my authority to an external system to which I then become enslaved.

I realise and understand that I cannot fear my own descisions. I realise and understand that I cannot fear the consequences of my descisions. I realise and understand that I am the beginning and the end-point of my own descisions.

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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