I then looked at the center point: which is that everyone fears ageing. But why do we fear it so much? Is it simply because we fear death? Maybe, but there seems to be quite a lot more to it. When I looked at it the answer was rather simple: it is that with ageing comes more insecurity. We basically do not expect that the world will be of much support when and as we grow old. That is quite rough.
As I write this I can sense a pain that is difficult to describe.
In Europe a lot of this insecurity is tied in with the discourse being held by the governments: they already warn of the precarity of the future pensions. Make sure that somehow you have money to survive because if you do not... you need to provide for your own pension, your own plan B. This reminds me of the situation in Greece in 2014 (when the economy collapsed), when it was reported that an elderly man, when reading the amount of his montly pension allowance, walked down the river and hung himself from a tree.
Where does 'change' begin? Does it begin on the streets? Does it begin in Parliament? Does it begin on Television? Does it begin in school? Where... what... how...
It begins within self:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ageing as something that is 'undesireable' and 'ugly'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that we locked down the economy to apparently protect the elderly, but the truth is we do not care about the elderly as we will not even guarantee their right to exist and live a meaningfull life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simpy 'accept' that this is how we treat elderly, which means that this is how we are willing to treat ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that our society punishes the elderly - which is the reflection of a society hating itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself and consequently accept that it is ok that I should fear for my own survival as an elderly - as if that somehow is what I actually deserved all along: to die like a rat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have no understanding of what it means to care for myself as life and to care for another as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prove myself unable to have a long term vision for humanity and for myself and for the existence of humanity in this world.
A World where Growing Old is Embraced and Supported. What would that look like? In the beginning was the Word.
For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org
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