Day 338 - Guilt over extending Sick leave

Today I am writing on an experience of ‘guilt’ I was dealing with in regards to being physically ill for a few days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for wanting to prolong my sick leave, because what if my employer thinks that I am not really sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider compromising myself just so that I would make a good impression at my work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself and my body first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting fired if I am sick too long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have fully respected and honored my body and the process it requires to heal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made ‘the rights of my employer’ more than the requirements of my body as an equal expression of life.

I commit myself to walk self-care and consideration in regards to my body as myself.

I commit myself to care for my body as my responsibility towards myself and towards life.

Eventually I did go back to the doctor and in hindsight this was a great gift to myself to have given myself extra time to recover and become really well before going back to work. This was a really cool practical application of placing self first.

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Getting Nausea when Reading in a Bus (And how to Stop it) - Day 335

I recently had a conversation with a college about ‘reading in the bus’. The conversation came about because we both take the same bus and my college noticed that I study in the bus every day. She told me that she cannot read in the bus very well because she tends to get nausea. I said that I also used to have this, but that I pushed myself and now I no longer get nausea when reading in the bus. She was surprised and said: oh, so this is a mind thing?

In this blog I would like to share a little bit more background on what I did to bring this change about.

Initially when being faced with the possibility of having to read and study in a bus, my reply was that I am not able to do this ‘because I get nausea’. This was in fact so, whenever I had tried to read or study in the bus (or in a car) in the past I would get nausea and I would soon enough close my books and do something else. Yet, in a conversation my partner challenged me on this and said: that may very well be so, but it is a belief in your mind based on a memory. Somewhere inside me I could feel that there was a truth to this, even though I felt like saying that this is not true and I am really like that. In self-honesty, I had to investigate this point deeper to find out for myself.

And so I did: I forgave myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that when reading in a moving bus or car I will get sick or I will become nauseated. I allowed myself to realize that I had LIMITED myself with the belief that I will get sick or become nauseated when reading in a moving bus.

On a next occasion when sitting and reading in a bus, what happened is that: there was a slight movement in me where ‘the nausea’ wanted to come up – I could feel it coming up -  yet I simply breathed consistently and focused on my whole body and what happened is that the nausea dissipated like a fog – it cleared away.

And this is how I moved myself through a self-limiting belief such as that I will get nausea when reading text in a moving bus.

For more information on the specifics of how to apply self-forgiveness, please visit: www.desteni.org