I like stories (films, novels, comic books, etc) and my partner likes it when afterwards I tell her the story in my own words. This self-forgiveness is about one of those instances where I was telling her a story and during the conversation I started to feel
annoyed and irritated:
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get impatient when my partner
does not understand where i am at with the story.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suddenly feel ‚abused‘
because my partner is asking me to explain more about the story so that she can
follow better.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when my
partner at any given moment can no longer follow me – and take that as a sign
that I am not qualified to tell the story.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and prevent my partner
from interrupting me when I am telling my story, by raising my
voice, instead
of realising and understanding that it is ok to pause and let the person ask her
questions.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as weakness if I allow
the person to interrupt me in my
story.
I forgive
myself to want to be ‚God‘ in my telling of the story and within that want to
be ‚perfect‘ instead of realising it is not about me being perfect – but about
creating an exchange of value between me and my partner.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if my partner asks
questions that means that I am not good enough and I have failed at telling my
story.
I forgive
myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compete with my partner
whilst telling the story – instead of developing
enjoyment in me telling the
story unconditionally and allow the story to be a dialogue as well if my
partner has questions.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know best how
the story needs to be told and in what order, and therefore if my partner is
asking me to go back to a part of the story that she has questions about I will
be unwilling to go back and insist that i must continue the story in the way
that i am telling it.
I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‚
perfection‘ is
being able to tell the story perfectly – presenting all the elements perfectly
– instead of realising perfection is about me being clear within myself in
every breath as I tell the story and being able to ‚let go‘ of any expectations
that I have myself as to how the telling of the story must go.
I commit
myself to tell the story unconditionally – wherin I walk the story breath by
breath – and I allow myelf to enjoy the sharing of the story, instead of
feeling pressured and fearing that something will not be understood. I realise
that at any time I can clarify things and add more information so that my
partner can also learn from the story.
-----------------------------------------------------------
For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org
I investigated myself within 'expectations' - these are notes from my notebook. 
