Day 399 - My Journey into Spain - Second Chapter

On the third day in Barcelona, I had to start to make a decision about what I was going to do next. I had only booked 4 nights in the hotel where I was currently staying. The thought had crossed my mind that I could prolong my stay, but within myself I also did not feel clear on why I should do that. Ideally I should rent a car, leave Barcelona and start exploring other parts of the region. 

I think it was on that very same day that I realised it was possible to take the Teleferic de Muntjuic all the way to the top of the Muntjuic mountain where the Muntjuic castle is located. I was walking my way up to the lower planes and gardens of the mountain, when I saw a line of people waiting to enter the Teleferic station. It seemed like a lot of people already, but I was immediately eager to also take the Teleferic. As I joined the line of people, I realised that the Teleferic was actually still closed but it was about to open in just 2 minutes. Once the door of the station opened, the queue moved inside rather quickly and within 10 minutes I was stepping inside my own cabin. 

When the Cabin started rolling along the cable, I felt a gracious happyness. I was enjoying myself a lot. I wanted to make lots of photograps because the views were really stunning. Within myself I felt like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and this caused me to actually create stress about taking enough pictures. At that point I realised that I should give myself the space to simply enjoy and sit and breathe. So I settled within myself and when appropriate, I took a photograph.

Once I walked out of the cabin at the top, there was an area which had a stunning view over the industrial harbour of Barcelona. I walked around and took some pictures. At one point I saw a seagull flying at about my height, perhaps 20 meters away from me. Except that he was flying besides the mountain so he was floating really high in the sky from his vantage point. In that moment I could stand in the shoes of the Saegull because I was looking down at pretty much the same depth below. Upon experiencing the Seagull I came up with the following lines on that day:

"Als je een Meeuw bent,

Mag je geen hoogtevrees hebben."

(When you are a Seagull,

You cannot have fear of heights.) 

The castle in itself was not of that much interest to me, except that it offered more nice views over the whole area of Barcelona. On my way down with the Teleferic (because I bought a return ticket, you could also choose to walk all your way down again) I started to seriously look at the point at hand as I saw that I had to make a decision: what am I going to do next? I used my right hand to guide me as I was looking at the point and what stood out for me in that moment was that I was not comfortable with the idea of traveling around the country. Within myself I went: am I just allowed to do that? I cancel the whole idea of traveling around and I simply stay the whole time in Barcelona? I went pfft yes let me just do that. I mean I am having a lot of fun in Barcelona. 

I did not look at the point further untill later that day, I think it was the afternoon, when I realised: hey, wait a minute, this doesn't make sense. Because when it came down to the historical city of Barcelona, the truth was that I was starting to become fed up with being there. It was suddenly clear and obvious that staying here was not an option at all. And this experience of fed-up ness had already come up the previous day as well - hence I knew that this was the reality of the situation. I knew that now, and only now, I was ready to move on. That evening in the hotel I booked a car for eight days and I bought a returnflight to Belgium. 

I had nine more days to spend in Spain and tomorrow was my last day in Barcelona. 

Day 398 - My Journey into Spain - First Chapter

Normally when I travel abroad, I prefer to stay more or less in one location and not move around too much. But this time, the suggestion came up that I should 'travel around' and explore the country. I have never done this before on my own. With my partner we did travel to countries and we traveled around, but the initiation and the movement would come from my partner and I would just 'ride along'. 

Within my personality I have quite a bit of 'fears' as regards 'unpredictable things' that can happen whilst traveling, consequently for me to do this ony my own was an important step. When I leanred that I would not be able to travel to Panama less than 24 hours before the departure flight, I looked at the situation and talking with my partner, I decided that I wanted to travel to Spain instead. I had 2 weeks of holiday ahead of me and it was the middle of the summer. In a way it was perfect. 

So within the span of one day, I booked a one way ticket to Barcelona plus a hotel for 4 nights in the city. I did not know what I would do after those 4 nights nor did I know when I would fly home. But most likely I would after those 4 days, hire a car and travel to other places and then see when I would be ready to return home. I just had to make sure I'd be back after two weeks. 

The benefit was that my suitcase was already packed for a 2-week holiday. I simply had to replace some stuff and do some different paperwork as regards traveling to Spain. I enjoyed being able to simply book a flight and not know exactly when I'd return home. Many people do this type of traveling already in their twenties, but as I said, for me it was all new. 

What was interesting within this trip is that I knew where my fears and insecurities were. I knew that I would have to deliberately move myself to challenge myself and not fall back into comfort zones and fears of the unknown. In that sense my trip was quite expansive, because I did succeed in identifying those moments where I usually 'back off' in fear and instead guided myself to take small leaps of faith. 

The rest of my amazing journey will be posted on this blog in days to come. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 397 - On the Fear of RIDICULE

I recently re-watched an old episode from a Belgian satire series (called 'In de Gloria'), of which I had already seen all the episodes more than 10 years ago. What struck me this time around is one particular sketch that was presented as an 'interview' of a woman and her husband. The woman was going to her local church every Sunday and singing along with the choir, but the choir leader and the priest had 'stepped in' to have her remain silent during the singing because her singing was experienced as 'disruptive'. The interview starts out as being rather funny, but as the interview continued I realised there was also an 'innocent' element within the story.  

Upon her receiving the news that she was no longer allowed to sing, her husband went to buy a synthesizer in the store to help her with rythm. What is intended within the interview is for both the woman and her husband to be 'ridiculous', because of the way that they express themselves. Yet, one point I found interesting within the story/interview: which was that the husband was actually supporting his wife to deal with her problem. Meaning, he took equal ownership of the issue and they literally worked at it together because it was that important for his wife. So, what stood out for me is the quality of the collaboration between the man and the wife and how they stood as a team, even though their endevour might seem ridiculous to external observers. I actually found this last dimension to be completely irrelevant and actually besides the point.  

In reality what was being shown is how much a person can care for another person that they will walk a point like that together. Indeed, when the intent is pure, is does not matter what it looks like to external observers. Consequently, what the interview is actually revealing is that we will often not unconditionally support those that we care about because of the fear of ridicule. What does that say about us? 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Dag 396 - De Houthakker

Een houthakker leefde met zijn drie zonen

op een heuvel aan de rand van het bos.

Een stenen waterput, onderaan de heuvel,

voorzag hen van water,

maar stond deze zomer droog.

Op een dag speelden de zonen bij de waterput.

Ze klommen erin en wilden zien hoe diep de put was.

De oudste zoon hield zich vast aan een touw 

De twee anderen bengelden onder hem in het donker 

De knoop rond de boomwortel was sterk, 

maar de boomwortel was rot. Hij brak 

en de oudste zoon voelde dat niets hen nog tegenhield

Behalve de ijzersteke hand van vader 

rond zijn pols die hem plots omhoog trok.

"Ik had jullie gezegd niet in de put te klimmen.

De put wordt jullie dood.

Maar jullie willen bewijs, want mijn liefde is niet genoeg."

Toen greep vader de arm van de oudste zoon,

en brak hem als een tak. 

Hij zei:

"Een val in een diepe put, heeft je arm gebroken.

Je mag van geluk spreken, dat je nog leeft." 

Hij greep ook de voet van de jongste zoon,

en brak ook twee ribben van de laatste zoon. 

De drie zonen huilden.

"Dit is de dag van jullie neergang. Herinner je deze dag." 

Toen de zonen weer te been waren,

aan het einde van de zomer,

Slopen zij bij nachte naar buiten 

en staken het huis van de houthakker in de brand.

Het huis ging op in vlammen en de zonen vluchtten naar het bos.

De houthakker rolde door de deur naar buiten. 

Zijn rug en zijn haar stonden in vuur en vlam. 

Hij rolde van de heuvel omlaag 

tot hij alleen nog maar rookte en siste. 

Hij kon zijn ogen niet meer openen. 

De volgende morgen kwamen de buren hem helpen. 

De zonen gingen elk hun weg 

en beproefden hun geluk in de stad. 

Jaren gingen voorbij en de leegte 

in de zonen groeide. 

Op een dag liet de jongste zoon 

alles vallen en ging weer naar het bos.

Zo ook de tweede zoon, korte tijd later.

En zo ook de oudste zoon. 

Toen de oudste zoon eindelijk 

langs de waterput liep en de heuvel

omhoogklom, vond hij daar ook zijn broers. 

Hij sloeg de ogen neer en ging naar binnen. 

"Aha," zei de blinde houthakker. "Daar ben je."

De drie zonen die inmiddels binnen

verzameld waren, gingen rond de tafel zitten.

Vader zat bij het vuur en glimlachte. 

"Je broers hebben mijn dak hersteld 

en soep gemaakt. Neem een stuk brood."   

De zoon bleef stil en zijn hand beefde 

toen hij een stuk brood afbrak. 

De houthakker en zijn drie zonen aten.

De vader smakte, en de drie zonen snikten. 

"Lekkere soep," zei de houthakker. 

Day 395 - Beyond the Walls / Au Delà des Murs

Normally I am not attracted to 'horror' stories and films. I usually find it quite 'creepy' and not so enjoyable - but today I somehow felt compelled to watch the beginning of a series called "Au Delà des Murs" (Beyond the Walls), which was advertised as a horror-series. 

A Lady inherits an old house and starts to experience psychedelic episodes at night when she walks into non existing rooms and corridors throughout the house and encounters a half human, half animal creature. 

The moment when this creature enters the screen, is supposed to be a scary moment - but I did not find it scary. I saw the creature and it was simply another being standing in the room - no big deal. Then it started to move towards her. Well, maybe it wants to communiacte with her so no big deal. Then, she started to get scared, and she started to run. This is when I realised the people create their own nightmares through their 'judgments' because what was happenening was not 'evil' or 'abusive' in any shape or form. It was simply 'unusual'. But then interestingly the story spins off into some dramatic 'chase' where she needs to run and hide from 'creatures'. 

But why all the 'drama'? Did she not by her own doing choose to ASSUME some kind of fucked up narrative of what was going on instead of actually being vulnerable and investigate what is going on? I have no problems with 'weird creatures', 'weird people' and 'weird events'. When something is seemingly scary or absurd to you - does that automatically mean that you are in danger and that you must 'run'? 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Zelfvergeving voor Beginners: Rap Rijden is Plezant

Rap rijden is plezant

Amaai mijn vrienden zijn onder den indruk

Ik ben hier precies den held

Nog een bekke rapper rijden

Dan zien ze hoeveel ik durf

We gaan hier bijkans de lucht in

 

Ineens kwam die vos uit het bos

Ik kon niet meer stoppen  

en hij lag onder mijn wielen

Toen was het stil in den auto

Da was nie expres

Ik weet nie waarom ik da gedaan heb

Diene vos...

 

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd slim willen lijken voor mijn vrienden en opzettelijk domme dingen doen om te bewijzen dat ik durf

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd stoer willen zijn en daarom opzettelijk domme dingen doen zonder na te denken en te beseffen dat ik niet alleen ben op de wereld.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd verwachten dat de wereld voor mij genade kent, terwijl ik geen genade ken voor de wereld.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd indruk willen maken op mijn vrienden en daarom mijn leven en dat van andere in gevaar brengen.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mezelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd geen respect hebben voor anderen en voor het leven van een ander.

Ik vergeef mijzelf dat ik mijzelf heb toegelaten en geaccepteerd in een moment bezeten te worden en alleen maar populair willen zijn en niet meer echt beseffen wat ik doe. 

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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org

For the Free online self-forgiveness course, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 393 - The Unspoken Law of the Jungle

If you look at the 'family-construct' as a social system, one would expect that it solves the problem of 'responsibility' and 'everyone being taken care of'. Because: ideally, every child is born within a family (of at least one parent) - and that is not even taking into account the amount of orphan children in this world. 

Then, because every child is ideally born within a family of at least one parent - there is an unspoken 'law of the jungle'  that every child is taken care of in this world, as the child stands under the protection and care of (at least) one adult. The 'family-construct' as a social system is then really presented as the basic foundation of society, without which children would be lost. Looking at the world superficially then, one would expect that most children in the world are taken care of as they are lodged within one or more 'family-constructs'. And, as was said, the unspoken law of the jungle dictates that since the child is in the care of a family, it is consequently 'taken care of'.

The unspoken law of the jungle does however not take into account the money-system and how it functions on a global scale. The underlying assumtion of the law of the jungle is that every family in the world will have the means to take care of a child appropriately. The only way to do that in today's world, is by having access to money. Without money, one cannot actually survive. Yet, more than half of all the human beings in todays world officially live under the poverty line. They do not have sufficient access to money and consequently they cannot actually give the care to the children that the children require. Hence roughly half the children in this world are in effect not adequately taken care of. 

Some years ago it was reported in South Africa that a pregnant woman had thrown herself off the stairs with the deliberate intent to permanently damage her unborn child, so as to later qualify for specific government support. This is the law of the jungle in full action, because it did not consider the global economic system. 

If we assume (law of the jungle) that children are to be taken care of within a family, then why would we restrict access to money for families? Why would we not want families to have guaranteed access to money so that they can adequately raise, support and take care of their children? When we resolve this contradiction, we will resolve the problem of poverty and then we will finally be able to say that families are the foundation of society, which currently they are not.