For instance this evening my partner brought up the issue regarding the squeecking doorhandles and that we could use this time to fix that: I immediately started to lament that this is not what I had planned for my evening and I even did not believe that we would be able to accomplish resuslts in working on this problem. Hence in my approach towards myself and the situation I was not even giving us a chance.
But lo and behold, in doing some brief research online my partner figured out how to take off the door handles and even how to take out the entire mechanism of the inner lock. We looked at it, discussed it, lubricated the parts, cleaned everything, put the parts back on the door and there was no more squeeking sound... I was indeed proud in the end that we had spend our evening in solving this problem rather then letting the opportunity go by.
But underneath the pride was also shame that I had not simply seen the opportunity for what it was and that I had fought for my limitation. Why must I default into arguing for my limitations? What is the point of simply existing in this pattern and not changing? It is funny because in the moment of 'not wanting to' and 'giving reasons why' I already know deep down that I am just postponing to change myself - it is as if I am stating to myself and the world: not right now, I am not ready yet right now -- I will change 'later'.
The point I need to change in myself is the moment where the 'dread' comes up towards doing something unplanned and out of my comfort zone - I need to unconditionally let go and breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and fool myself into believing that I am not ready for a point or a change, because in me being able to see the potential of change per definition means that I am already ready and that I am just wasting my own time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and hide inside a comfort zone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my comfort zones.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to be pushed outside of my comfort zones.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my comfort zones protect me and make me feel good - when in reality they leave me with shame and regret towards missed opportunities where I could grow and expand and reach my full potential.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust a mushy feeling inside myself intstead of breathing and using common sense to decide on an opportunity and a course of action.
I realise and understand that the feeling that says 'no, I don't want to' is actually fear and limitation and unecessary for me to go into.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my decisions based on how I feel instead of what I can actually see and sense would be a good opportunity for me to 'change' and step outside of a self-confined comfort-zone.
I commit myself to walk in clarity of this point and actually slow down and breathe when looking at a decision that 'throws me off' or 'puts me out of my comfort zone' -- I breathe and remain practical, I look at what is actually possible and what it is I can do.
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For more information about writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-change, visit: http://desteni.org
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