Today I was looking at my backpack again, as it was lying in the room.Suddenly I did not like the idea anymore of bringing it to someone for repairing. The zipper was no longer in place and was coming off as well on certain ends. I had judged that the job would have been too complicated for me.
Today however, I realised that I can do this. I need to simply push myself and do it.
And lo and behold, as I took out my little sewing kit and started working on the backpack, it becamed clear rather quickly how I should best stich. This is because I had made a decision to fix the bag, instead of allowing myelf to be 'confused and 'undecided'.
As long as I am waivering and hesitant as to the point of responsibility, I will prevent myself from seeing the detail of the solution. I will make it 'confusing' and 'too complicated'.
I would have taken my backpack to a person or a store and I would have had to run around to find the right person or store and they would have charged me money - and within that I would have learned nothing. So, when I was looking at my backpack today there was a point of: I am not accepting this and so I made a decision.
So, what this point has showed me is that the critical part is to actually make a decision instead of letting a point 'sit' in 'no mans land'. I direct it - I bring the point as far as I can take it.
A similar point happened with the guitar I had bought a while ago. I buy a guitar. I am happy. Then I have to tune the guitar. Then it didn't quite work out. Then I was unhappy. Then I started dreading the process of tuning the guitar because of my expereince and having build 'uncertainty' in regards to the process and ALSO thinking that 'it will probably not work' and 'maybe I will have to ask someone to do it for me.' I left the guitar untuned and untouched for many months.
But then, one day I simply took the guitar and started tuning it - I said to myself that 'I am just going to tune it'. And although things did not work 'perfectly' I made enormous headway in tuning the guitar simply because I hade made a decision.
I found that when my starting point changes then 'everything' changes, the tools that I am using they 'change' - the tuner I was using, now was willing to collaborate - but instead of only relying on the tuner, I would also use my common sense, I would listen to the sound of the strings - suddenly any and all limitation is just irrelevant. Suddenly I am resourceful. Why? Because I have made a decision.
Interesting the power we have - when we decide to make something work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things because I actually do not see myself able to do it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that postponing is the first step of giving up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone as a way to hide from myself that I am giving up.
I commit myself to identify where I am postponing and abdicating responsibility - and give to myself the gift of making a simple yet effective decision.
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